London Man Dines with Cheese on his Face in Reality TV Show


A London man has appeared in the Reality TV dinner dating show ‘Love Luncheon’ with cheese on his face.

Reality TV star Ted Stilton told Glossy News:

The oversight of not checking my appearance in the mirror before the date caused complications.

I was running late, needed a shave, and realised I’d run out of razors.

There wasn’t enough time to go shopping for some, so my flatmate suggested I should be innovative like Kim Jong Un, and use a cheese grater instead.

I arrived at the restaurant and my date said:

‘Get all that cheese off your face now.’

I laughed it off and tried to change the subject.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now!’ she said.

‘What cheese on my face? You must be joking!’ I said.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.

‘I can assure you lady, there is no cheese on my face,’ I said.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.

‘Madam I beseech thee, dost thou hereby venture to surmise I would nobly grace this prestigious rendezvous in such seductive fervour with a hearty bugger-off dollop of cheese on my face?’ I said.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now…’ she said.

‘My good lady, dost rashly deign thus to insinuate thy fair suitor would misplace with such anomaly – a gross misrepresentation of my face by adorning it in cheese?’ I said.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.

‘Look, do you really think I would indefensibly – in such disregard and folly, blunder with impudence by exhibiting a cheesy face?’ I said.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.

‘Now look here, do you really think I would jeopardise these romantic proceedings by letting the Red Leicester on my shaven face fester?’ I said.

‘Get all that cheese off your face NOW!’ she said.

‘Cheese? On my face? Do you think I would let an imposter like the Double Gloucester ruin this date? Would I really prance around this restaurant decorated in Parmesan as if I don’t give a damn? I wouldn’t dare! I wouldn’t dare! I wouldn’t dare wear the Camembert!’ I screamed.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now…’ she said.

When I arrived home later that evening my flat mate said:

‘Get all your stubble from out of the cheese grater! I washed the pots.

‘And another thing,’ he said.

‘What’s that?’ I replied.

‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ he said.

 

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