A London man has appeared in the Reality TV dinner dating show ‘Love Luncheon’ with cheese on his face.
Reality TV star Ted Stilton told Glossy News:
The oversight of not checking my appearance in the mirror before the date caused complications.
I was running late, needed a shave, and realised I’d run out of razors.
There wasn’t enough time to go shopping for some, so my flatmate suggested I should be innovative like Kim Jong Un, and use a cheese grater instead.
I arrived at the restaurant and my date said:
‘Get all that cheese off your face now.’
I laughed it off and tried to change the subject.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now!’ she said.
‘What cheese on my face? You must be joking!’ I said.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.
‘I can assure you lady, there is no cheese on my face,’ I said.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.
‘Madam I beseech thee, dost thou hereby venture to surmise I would nobly grace this prestigious rendezvous in such seductive fervour with a hearty bugger-off dollop of cheese on my face?’ I said.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now…’ she said.
‘My good lady, dost rashly deign thus to insinuate thy fair suitor would misplace with such anomaly – a gross misrepresentation of my face by adorning it in cheese?’ I said.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.
‘Look, do you really think I would indefensibly – in such disregard and folly, blunder with impudence by exhibiting a cheesy face?’ I said.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ she said.
‘Now look here, do you really think I would jeopardise these romantic proceedings by letting the Red Leicester on my shaven face fester?’ I said.
‘Get all that cheese off your face NOW!’ she said.
‘Cheese? On my face? Do you think I would let an imposter like the Double Gloucester ruin this date? Would I really prance around this restaurant decorated in Parmesan as if I don’t give a damn? I wouldn’t dare! I wouldn’t dare! I wouldn’t dare wear the Camembert!’ I screamed.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now…’ she said.
When I arrived home later that evening my flat mate said:
‘Get all your stubble from out of the cheese grater! I washed the pots.
‘And another thing,’ he said.
‘What’s that?’ I replied.
‘Get all that cheese off your face now,’ he said.