Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown Wins Poet Laureate Award

Stand up comedian Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown has won the Poet Laureate award for 2018. The controversial blue comic won the coveted prize after one of the competition’s judges discovered one of his poems written on a public toilet wall in Middlesbrough.

Brown said:

I’m thrilled. I never thought a working class comedian like me could have a poem recognised by such a prestigious literary organisation.

It was a happenstance thing really. I used to pen little ditties inside my favourite public toilet cubicle in my home town. I noticed other visitors there had expressed their profound thoughts by using a felt tip pen to write on the walls, and this inspired the poet in me.

From the outset, the competition judge was hoping to unearth another ‘I Wondered Lonely As A Cloud’ by William Wordsworth,’ Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night’ by Dylan Thomas, or ‘And Did Those Feet In Ancient Time’ by William Blake, so it was sheer random luck that he spotted my poem amongst the public’s untidy cluster of transitory doodles such as:

I want to slam my skanky rod into your slop corridor!

I want to drill my rancid flesh baguette into your sewerage crevice!


I really, really, really want to hammer my filth pipe into your slimy scum dungeon!



I gazed up at

the night sky, picked

a star, and wondered

what it meant, and then

as if to tell me it

flickered like a signal – like

a message sent.

This star so

silent, so lonely

lit, and I will never

touch it, but

it touched me and

this is my epiphany –

I don’t know

where the stars were

born or even

why they’re there,

but I think they’re trying

to tell me that

the answers are in

Gladys Sprocket’s fanny hair.

Further reading:

Jerry Seinfeld Injured Filming ‘Comedians In Cars’

Mega-Millionaire Ricky Gervais Sells Out Stephen Merchant



Author: Stephen Philip Druce

Stephen Philip Druce is a spoof/satire article writer from Shrewsbury in the UK. He has previous publications with The Lemon Press, News Mutiny, The Daily Squib, The Inconsequential, Web-E-Books (USA), The Druids Loom and Bad Scents Of Humour. For updates on Stephen’s humour articles, follow him on Twitter - @DruceStephen.