Theatre goer Ivor Ball has been evicted from The Old Vic Theatre in London, after his testicles started fighting during the play ‘A Shakespeare Tragedy.’
Mr. Ball 42, commented:
Regrettably, a disturbance was prompted, as a consequence of a rare medical condition I am blighted with called testicleitis. This occurs when two testicles argue their differences to the point of physical conflict.
It’s similar to rival twins in their endeavour to establish a singular identity and hierarchy.
A bicycle seat partition intervention is the only remedy to ensure the balls co-exist harmoniously, but I wasn’t allowed to take my cycle into the theatre.
THE TESTICLE INCIDENT
“To be or not to be: that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – ‘Oi! shove over fatty bollock – there’s room in the sack for two!’ (testicle one).
“Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them” – ‘shut your face shrivelled walnut bollock! Ouch! I’m entitled to half an inch of gap too!’ (testicle two).
“To die: to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache” – ‘Push off lumpy! – just because you hang higher in the ball sack, it doesn’t give you special status!’ (testicle one).
“And the thousand natural shocks, that flesh to heir to, this consummation – devoutly to be wished” – ‘Piss off baldy! I’ve got more hair! Ouch! Aaaagh!’ (testicle two).
“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay there’s the rub; for in that sleep of death” – ‘So what hairy? I produce more sperm! Ouch! Get off!’ (testicle one).
Mr. Ball has been issued with a lifetime ban from The Old Vic. His testicles were unavailable for comment.