The Funniest Fortune Cookie Messages

Has anyone else noticed that there’s a day for everything? Women’s day (although we really should even it up and have Men’s Day), Book Day, Non-Smoking Day, Dress Like A Pirate Day etc.

Well, the list is growing – September 13 2014 was the first official international Fortune Cookie Day. For all those poor oppressed fortune cookies.

On the plus side, Fortune Cookie Day has prompted lists of hilarious fortune cookie messages from around the world – and Gala & Smosh were not to be outdone. Here is a list of some of the funniest fortune cookie messages from their lists:

Do Not Disturb

Funny rating:

cookie-do-not-disturb three-stars

It’s not rib-hurting funny, but the idea of food talking back is amusing. It makes the cookie seem like a kind of edible Yoda, making its apprentices wait to learn the mystic fortune.

You Picked Wrong

Funny rating:

cookie-you-picked-wrong three-stars

This one could raise a grin from even the most tight-jawed diner – by telling the unlucky individual that their fortune is in another cookie, does this imply that fortune cookies are more than just fried flour? Spooky…

Go Nerds!

Funny rating:

cookie-go-nerds four-stars

It’s true – nerds are trusted with things like performing life-saving operations, keeping the economy going, building our houses and exploring the outer reaches of space, among other things. So this is very sound advice!

Hate to say I told you so

Funny rating:

cookie-hate-to-say five-stars

It’s funny because it’s probably true….depending on the quality of the restaurant. The handwritten nature of this note means it’s probably not a bonafide fortune cookie, but whoever thought of it has make us laugh, so well done.

It’s Imperative

Funny rating:

cookie-imperative four-stars

It’s like the start of a Liam Neeson film – he opens a fortune cookie that tells him to run, before embarking on a rooftop chase across ten cities in nine hours, unleashing hell on the criminal underworld, without stopping to go to the loo or running out of bullets.

So, there you have it: fortune cookies aren’t all massed produced pockets of popular wisdom. However, there are definitely more original and funny fortune cookie message out there, and now the baton is passed to you to find them. Let’s make next year’s International Cookie Day the most hilarious yet. Which shouldn’t be too hard, considering there will only have been two.

Send us your own #funnyfortunes on Twitter and Facebook!

Author: Brian K. White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? USE THIS COMMENTS SECTION TO PUT THE WORLD TO RIGHTS...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.