Hollywood’s top silent film producers were shocked to learn that this year’s list of nominees for best picture Oscar included not a single silent picture.
“After last year’s win by The Artist,” said producer Milton Oak. “We figured that those of us making great silent films were once again back on top.”
However, it looks as if Mr. Oak’s hope was misplaced as each of the nine nominees for best picture this year is a “talkie.”
“Well, not every one of the nine is a talkie,” said Mr. Oak. “Since all the actors in Les Miserables do nothing but sing but there still isn’t a single silent picture on the entire list.”
The 2012 awards appeared to give a much-needed boost to the long-ailing silent film industry but it now looks as if last year’s Oscar sweep by The Artist was either a one-off or an elaborate practical joke.
“It’s hard to imagine that our colleagues in the talkie biz were just having some fun at our expense,” said Oak. “But it looks like we’ve been had.”
Given the unexpected turn of events, several silent movie lots have halted production in anticipation of less-than-boffo box office for their upcoming soundless features.
“I was hoping to score big with my silent remake of West Side Story,” said Oak. “But if it’s talkies Hollywood wants, then I guess it’s talkies Hollywood gets.”
Entertainment industry insiders also predict a less-than-successful year for black and white films, LP records and 8-track tapes.