Sally Field Implodes as Entire Skeletal Structure Collapses

Sally Field Implodes as Entire Skeletal Structure Collapses

Appearing at a news conference plopped inside a prosthetic device that could only be described as a bucket, Sally Field wondered if anyone will still like her after she experienced a violent adverse reaction to the osteoporosis drug, Boniva.

“A few days ago I finally decided to read the million-word warning label after touting this crap on TV all these years,” testified a barely audible Field, “and I noticed that parts of it were blacked out like some kind of secret CIA document being released to the public. So I decided to call my agent, who got me into this mess, and while I was on hold-there’s no other word for it-I imploded. My doctor told me the last molecule of calcium that my body will ever see was pissed out about an hour ago.”

Noting that her days as a gabby gardening spokesperson for the “bone-building” drug Boniva were obviously over, the perpetually pleasant Field playfully peeked over the rim of what she called her gutbucket of gullibility, and joked that maybe she could play a life preserver if they ever decide to make another Poseidon Adventure, and “hell, at least I can finally carry a tune in this thing….”

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