David Cassidy More Popular than Sarah Palin?

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) — The Republican National Committee (RNC), in a move that now appears to have backfired, recently conducted a number of related polls designed to demonstrate the popularity of Sarah Palin. The RNC refuses to release the data officially, but sources within the RNC’s central council have revealed that Americans chose aging pop star David Cassidy nearly 2 to 1 over the fading politician.

The poll queried an astonishing 480,000 Americans between the ages of 18 and 82 who represent a variety of demographic categories. Participants were asked to rate 10 Americans—among them Bob Vila, David Cassidy, and Sarah Palin—in a variety of categories. In one question “Whom do you find most appealing?” Cassidy was the clear favorite garnering almost 64 percent of the first-place votes. In another key question, “Whom would you be most likely to vote for as president of the United States?” participants again made Cassidy as number one almost twice as often as they did Palin. Even more interesting, Bob Vila was ranked above Palin by a surprising margin.

Palin did best among white, conservative males aged 52 to 82 with some high school education and among bisexual white women between 32 and 55. She struggled to impress other demographics. Cassidy finished strong among gay, Mexican American males, aged 18 to 45; urban professional women, aged 22 to 34; and housewives between the ages of 40 and 62. Vila was a steady second place to Cassidy in most of the demographic groups although he scored big with gay, black men between the ages of 25 and 45 and with Vietnamese Americans aged 18 to 29.

Does this mean the Republicans are now looking at a Cassidy-Vila ticket in 2012? Not likely. Vila told Glossy News that he didn’t have any desire to enter politics because he had “too many projects around the house”. Cassidy, on tour in Jamaica to support his latest album, stated in a telephone interview that he would like to thank “his fans” for supporting him in the poll. He also stated that he would like to “hang out” with Palin and “get to know her better,” and that he thought she was a “groovy chick.” Cassidy also said he would “only consider running if (Danny) Bonaduce could be the press secretary”.

In related news, the National Rifle Association, in their annual elections, sent members a questionnaire that included the open question “Whom would you like to see as a spokesperson to represent the issues of the NRA?” Expecting high numbers for both Palin and Ted Nugent, the NRA staffers were amazed to see David Cassidy top the nominations by a clear 30 percent margin.

Author: Reverend Mike

@rev_rend Reverend Mike is a contributing editor for Glossy News. He was a Combat Chaplain with the Soviet Red Army in the 1980s. A career which he describes as an 'unappreciated field of endeavor'. He later worked as an Information Officer with the TASS News Agency on assignment in White Sands, NM. The collapse of the Soviet Union left him unemployed and homeless. He survived by selling magazine subscriptions door to door disguised as a college coed. He was later kidnapped and taken to Shanghai where he was sold into a white slavery ring. He lived as a concubine for a Japanese music industry mogul until 2002 when a wardrobe malfunction revealed his true identity. He found himself homeless and unemployed again, with only his collection of Polaroid snap shots. Reverend Mike has since scraped together a meagre living by blackmailing Japanese industrialists. Reverend Mike lives in a small 5 bedroom penthouse flat overlooking Central Park in New York City. His hobbies include exotic motorcycles, supermodels and owning small nations....

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