Stonehenge tour guide buffoon Charles ‘Rocky’ Stone has taken his employer to court for unfair dismissal.
Stone 56, was fired for misleading tourists with ill-informed facts and research. Stone commented:
It’s a gross injustice. Some of my Stonehenge facts may be disputable but they are also undeniable. I grew up in Stonehenge – as kids we’d play five-a-side football there. We’d use the upright stones as goalposts and the horizontal ones as a crossbar.
Also they are amazing prehistoric monuments – iconic pieces of engineering. It’s a shame the builders didn’t leave a note – just to let us know why they did it. There’s a theory that the stones were used as an ancient observatory, an astronomical alignment – allowing the sun to shine through – rubbish! You don’t have to stand there to see the sun, the sun shines everywhere in Wiltshire during the summer.
Stone went on –
Others claim it was built as a place of worship – not true. There’s plenty of churches around here, and they all have the advantage of roofs that keep the rain out. Others claim it was built as a sacrificial place of ceremony – nonsense! I’ve never seen any dead bones around there – though I did discover an animal bone there in 1992. The locals made a big fuss about it – taking photographs. I told them ‘it’s a discarded half-eaten chicken leg from K.F.C.! Neolithic folk didn’t cook stuff in batter – it was a dead buffalo on a rotating stick over a fire.
In my opinion these ancient architects were geniuses – their measurements were so precise. There were no tape measures in those days – they had to make their own, and guess how long a centimetre and millimetre was?!
The case continues.