Sacked Stonehenge Tour Guide Fool Takes Employer to Court

Stonehenge tour guide buffoon Charles ‘Rocky’ Stone has taken his employer to court for unfair dismissal.
Stone 56, was fired for misleading tourists with ill-informed facts and research. Stone commented:

It’s a gross injustice. Some of my Stonehenge facts may be disputable but they are also undeniable. I grew up in Stonehenge – as kids we’d play five-a-side football there. We’d use the upright stones as goalposts and the horizontal ones as a crossbar.
Also they are amazing prehistoric monuments – iconic pieces of engineering. It’s a shame the builders didn’t leave a note – just to let us know why they did it. There’s a theory that the stones were used as an ancient observatory, an astronomical alignment – allowing the sun to shine through – rubbish! You don’t have to stand there to see the sun, the sun shines everywhere in Wiltshire during the summer.

Stone went on –

Others claim it was built as a place of worship – not true. There’s plenty of churches around here, and they all have the advantage of roofs that keep the rain out. Others claim it was built as a sacrificial place of ceremony – nonsense! I’ve never seen any dead bones around there – though I did discover an animal bone there in 1992. The locals made a big fuss about it – taking photographs. I told them ‘it’s a discarded half-eaten chicken leg from K.F.C.! Neolithic folk didn’t cook stuff in batter – it was a dead buffalo on a rotating stick over a fire.
In my opinion these ancient architects were geniuses – their measurements were so precise. There were no tape measures in those days – they had to make their own, and guess how long a centimetre and millimetre was?!

The case continues.

Author: Stephen Philip Druce

Stephen Philip Druce is a spoof/satire article writer from Shrewsbury in the UK. He has previous publications with The Lemon Press, News Mutiny, The Daily Squib, The Inconsequential, Web-E-Books (USA), The Druids Loom and Bad Scents Of Humour. For updates on Stephen’s humour articles, follow him on Twitter - @DruceStephen.