Libya’s Revolutionary Council announced today the discovery of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi’s personal journals. According to sources, the writings span nearly the entire life of the enigmatic autocrat. The story of how the writings saw daylight is said to be nearly as convoluted as their author. It’s rumored details of the discovery have already been optioned by George Lucas as a possible Indiana Jones script.
Little can be taken at face value in the chaos of post-Gaddafi Libya. What is said of the diaries’ uncovering begins with dozens of former Gaddafi loyalists digging an irrigation canal near Benghazi. The account is impossible to verify, because the diggers committed mass suicide and fell into the ditch. According to authorities, before the tragedy a 1972 VW Microbus was unearthed, filled with notebooks written from the Dictator’s early years.
1957, May 27: Fatima said she wouldn’t go to the Prom with me if I was the last boy on Earth. I can’t help if I have acne; it’s the humidity. Someday I’ll be a big deal and she’ll be sorry! Everybody will be sorry then!
1964, December 04: Slow day at the barracks. Abdul came back from vacation with a Beatles record. What horrible screeching! Those guys will never catch on. Still can’t figure what to get Mom for Ramadan.
1969, August 31: Thinking about staging a coup. It’s boring in the desert. Actually, the whole idea started out as a joke with Yousef. Still, I wonder what the king would do if he came home to find me sitting on his throne.
The next set of journals was found while a Gaddafi palace was renovated for use as a Children’s Hospital. Unfortunately that project also included an irrigation canal, with tragic results. Historians are particularly intrigued by these diaries, as they offer insight into a Machiavellian mind wielding power during the height of his reign.
1979, January 15: Lounge by the pool today or go to the spa with my beautiful bodyguards? And what to wear – the military duds or my Bedouin best (or should I just lay here in bed, naked)? So many choices here in the lap of luxury.
1986, October 30: Saw that new Genesis video for ‘Land of Confusion.’ A rock video – this has to be one of the highlights of my career. What to wear for Halloween? I’m in costume every day after all. Acne much improved lately.
1988, April 22: What a mess! I like that cool new guy at the UN, Gorbachev. But the snitch from Turkey intercepted my note to Fidel and now everybody’s mad at me! I meant no disrespect calling Gorbachev ‘Ketchup head.’ Nobody understands my sense of humor.
The final installments of the Colonel’s diaries were found in the culvert where his last mortal hours were endured. Oddly, while no irrigation canal mishap was involved in that discovery, historians doubt the provenance. Noted Libyan scholar Percy Hyde-Worf summed up the controversy saying, “Gaddafi never wrote with orange crayons. I’ve seen dozens of treaties he signed. He always favored purple.”
2011, October 18: I don’t like hiding in a culvert. Once I turn this around, my slaughter of Fatima’s extended family will look like the Lawrence Welk show, compared to what these rebel dogs get!
2011, October 20: Still in the culvert, reinforcements expected any minute. All my troops had to take a bathroom break at the same time, so it’s just me here now. I warned them about that Mexican food.
Gaddafi’s collected writings will be released as “My Life, King of Kings” (908 pages) with a bonus section containing the Colonel’s love letters to Condoleezza Rice. The book is expected to be available in time for the Christmas shopping season. All profits will be devoted to Libya’s extensive irrigation canal efforts.
I’m glad his acne finally cleared up.
Who knew he was basically one of us? Aside from the killings and torturings of course…
Nice, but Gaddafi’s story, even if full of comical aspects, has been a tragedy, mainly because he has also been a puppet in the hands of his close associates. These people did not wear funny robes, but they exposed him to the outside world (and to the hatred of the majority of Libyans), while committing in Libya all the possible kinds of violence and theft one can imagine. Gaddafi was totally sure up to the last moment that his people loved him, also because his associates never told him the truth of what they were doing. And this people are still at bay, mainly outside Libya: unlike Gaddafi, they prepared an escape way abroad for themselves, long before the Revolution of 2011.