Sweden’s Director of Pre-school Schools announced this week a revolutionary new program for Americans to laugh at. Dr. Sven Frrrdegard spoke to reporters at Stockholm’s Ministry for Education.
“As the world’s only industrialized nation not headed for bankruptcy, we Swedes are keenly aware of our leadership responsibilities. We will not shirk our duty when it falls upon us to address humanity’s most pressing problem; gender stereotyping.”
Per Dr. Frrrdegard, words like boy and girl will no longer be allowed in Swedish pre-schools. Children will instead be instructed to refer to one another as ‘friend.’ The initiative will be complemented by a zero tolerance policy towards any students wearing the gender stereotype colors blue and pink. The antiquated and hurtful ‘apartheid’ separate restrooms will be replaced with Unisex facilities. Friends who wear dresses will be encouraged to try the urinals, while pants-wearing friends are expected to benefit from peeing while sitting down.
“We have declared war on all gender inequalities” said Frrrdegard. “From language to toy manufacturing, the bigotry of gender expectations will be removed from Swedish society.”
The Director admitted no system is perfect, and some gender specific vestiges will remain, particularly in the area of school sports. “We can’t ignore heredity. When Swedish friends reach puberty, it’s well known they develop a fairly impressive chest. You can’t play sports with those things bouncing around all over creation. So there’s no point in getting friends involved in sports at the pre-school level. It’d just be a waste of kronas. We may be Sweden, but we’re not that stupid!”
Some parents have worried the new rules go too far. Representatives from the Swedish Teachers Directorate were quick to dispel such doubts. According to the STD, the new absence of gender won’t harm the self-esteem of homosexual pre-schoolers, so parents need not fear. Coloring books have already been updated with more modern tales focusing on gay animal couples who adopt. True to life, the books portray the adopted animal babies growing up well adjusted and happy with an extensive collection of Lady Gaga MP3’s and exceptional fashion sense.
Sources close to the story tell Glossy News that Sweden’s next initiative will be to eliminate all racial stereotypes. They plan to do that by remaining 99.5% Swedish.