DUBLIN, Ireland – In the wake of some of the worst economic news to hit Ireland for decades, record numbers of Irish people are laying traps hoping to catch the elusive leprechauns and make them hand over the gold in their possession.
Some claim that the stores of gold held captive by the country’s leprechauns is enough to not only bring Ireland out of the financial mess but to make it the richest country in the world.
Bounties have been placed on the heads of leprechauns as countrymen keep their eyes trained on the skies for any sign of a rainbow. Weather forecasters claim the time for rainbows has pretty much gone the way of the winter weather, but that hasn’t stopped most from hoping for one or two more late fall thunderstorms.
Many wonder why the thought of putting out traps and bounties for leprechauns wasn’t a part of the country’s economic plan before things got so dire. Folklorists claim that only the most desperate man will actually try and catch a leprechaun due to the fact that the little fellas are notorious for the mean-spirited jokes they play on anyone who comes close enough to them. But these are unusually rough economic times and desperate times call for desperate measures.
In addition to placing bounties on the heads of leprechauns, many Irish farmers are planning on planting an over-abundance of clover this coming spring in hopes of upping the chances of finding enough four-leaf clovers to turn the luck of the Irish around. “It’s all we got so far, said Brian Lenihan, Irish Finance Minister. “We never thought we’d have to go to the lengths of having money thrown at us by other countries so we never really had a back-up plan. But anything’s better than being beholden to the Germans.”
He continued, “We’re pretty sure the leprechauns, when they see how desperate we are, will bring their pots of gold to us. At least, that’s what any loyal countryman would do, be he 6 ft. tall or the size of a large mushroom.”
Well, I’d hate to stomp on the little guys. 😉
Oh silly, you need not tread so lightly. Sheesh!
I don’t believe Leprechauns have come up before in my writings, but if they did and if I came across as malicious, I sincerely apologize. It was not my intent.
Well we all know of Beckert’s vicious anti-lepercon opinions, so I saw no point in addressing it. This is just a great kind of story though. Irish bankruptcy & Lepercons mesh so perfectly, after reading it, one wonders ‘Now why didn’t I think of that?’
While I greatly admire some more Swiftian satire I read on Glossy News, from Left & Right, I realize I’m not very good at that sort of thing. I just can’t think of anything funny about people/institutions I find unhelpful. So I could never write satire on Rosie O’Donnell for example. To me Rosie IS satire I could never top.
I actually feel varying degrees of fondness for every topic I lampoon, especially David Cassidy; he’s a dreamboat. I’ve got some Tea Party mockery coming up, and next I run the Pope through the wringer.
Okay Beckert, I’ll bite… did you have malicious intent?
Oh wait, just finished reading the comment I’m responding to… Never mind, figured it out.
/derp
Ask me. I wrote the danged thing. I had no malicious intent.
Well Rfreed, I think mockery without malice is an option. Happy Thanksgiving.
Or just sell more Lucky Charms.
Mockery without malice? Does it really exist?
I think Bargis is paraphrasing there, but not by much. I think there was more flowery language. You know how politicians can be!
‘It’s always better to be the smart-ass than the struggling dumb-ass’
Abraham Lincoln June, 1863
I thought I was the only one who did that at funerals. Small world.
Yeah, I know. Other than my newly discovered and unwelcome talent for stirring Jehovah Witnesses to a frenzy? My attempts at humor always derive inspiration from Depression comedian Will Rogers.
Mockery without malice is always my goal. That said, I understand political passions run high around this mid-term election.
Me, just not a cutting edge writer. More the kind of person who’d get you laughing at a funeral I suppose. Not a bad job really; people need a smartass around when they feel sad. So yeah, partisan politics not really my bag Beckert. Excuse me now, while I dash a couple more scribbles off for the Glossy News bargain bin!
Thanks L-T. I so prefer this to boring politics.
That’s just good there.