This is very thoughtful: both the article (OP) and comments alike.
It has nothing to do with love. It has to do with losing control. I have witnessed friends falling in love with the worse of them, and I can’t bring myself to do that. I am afraid that I will lose control and will no longer be safe if I fall in love with somebody.
Now here are my reflections from past -present-future:
From my perspective (past tense, -ish), it wasn’t not quite like this. I have indeed feared losing control; but it wasn’t about being afraid of someone mistreating me. It was more about the fear of my understanding of the world changing.
If you were centered in the assumption that you did have one chance, forever, and you blew it, then any change to that central pillar of your ‘world’ would undoubtedly throw the entire map into chaos.
Or so, at least, you would fear.
It’s very upsetting and distressing to have your entire vision of the world shaken.
At the same time, maturity demands that you move beyond such fear and reticence.
Clinging to a ‘map of the world’ that has outlived its purpose, and which can only do you harm, cannot be healthy.