Categorized | Politics

President Trump Murders Alt Right Conservatives, their Ghosts still Support him

President Trump Murders Alt Right Conservatives, their Ghosts still Support him

Dateline: TRUMPLAND—After President Trump ordered that all of his alt right supporters be systematically murdered, their ghosts said that they still support the president.

Mr. Trump tweeted that he was grateful for their continuing support.

The president had tweeted before the killing spree that the reason for the mass murders was to test his supporters’ loyalty.

“Are the alt right conservatives loyal to Trump?” tweeted the President. “Maybe while they’re alive, but what about when they’re dead? Would they still support me then?”

The president dispatched the army and a team of reporters to summarily execute millions of American citizens and to conduct last-minute interviews with the Trump loyalists.

Before being shot, Trump supporter Sammy Whataninny told the reporter that even though Trump was ordering his death, he didn’t regret voting for him.

“Am I sorry I voted for Trump just because he’s literally killing me? Never! He’s going to build the wall and lock her up and make America great again. Or don’t you think America will be all the greater once Trump’s most diehard fans are all slaughtered? You see? He’s already setting his plan in motion…Uh, wait a minute! Does that make sense?”

Mr. Whataninny was shot before he could pursue that line of inquiry.

Thanks to the efforts of the Mad Science Institute, which discovered that ghostly human life continues after the physical body’s death, the alt right ghosts were able to register their continuing support for the president.

Sammy Whataninny had apparently overcome his worry, signaling to the ghost-sensing machine that President Trump could still count on his support and that the president was indeed making America great again, by unleashing an army of ghosts who are free to wreak havoc on Democrats from beyond the grave.

Sociologist Laura Flora explained the persistence of the alt right’s approval of President Trump, by positing that Mr. Trump is at the center of a cult of personality.

“We’ve seen this before,” she said. “Think of Jim Jones whose followers drank poisoned Kool-Aid to serve him. Many cult leaders have tapped into people’s primitive fears or other primal motivators, psychologically enslaving their followers.

“Like most animals, we instinctively prefer to live in hierarchical societies, with dominant individuals at the top who command the loyalty of everyone lower down in the pecking order. Charismatic individuals can evidently exploit that animal part of our brain.”

Some have questioned the president’s obsession with loyalty. “Politically, it doesn’t make much sense,” said one leading Democrat. “It turns out the ghosts can’t so easily affect the physical world. All they can do is knock over a paper cup or two. So Trump has just lost his political base. His approval ratings with everyone else in America are abysmal, so who’s going to vote for him now to give him a second term?”

The president issued a signing statement that voting ballots be designed so as not to discriminate against “my dear friends, the ghosts of the alt right.”

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This post was written by

- who has written 76 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Ben Cain is a misanthropic omega male who likes to think that the more you suffer, the funnier you can be, and the more of an alienated loser you are, the more you can withstand coming face to face with the horrors of reality. He dedicated himself to discovering whether suffering has a meaning and so he earned a meaningless Ph.D. in analytic philosophy. He shares his findings by writing philosophical rants on his blog, Rants within the Undead God, and he's published a novel, called God Decays, which is available on Amazon. Also, he's pretentiously written this bio in the third person even though he rarely partakes of such conventional trickery.

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3 Responses to “President Trump Murders Alt Right Conservatives, their Ghosts still Support him”

  1. SamIAm says:

    Look how excited that woman is to have trump kiss her baby. And the proud father capturing the moment on his phone. I wonder how popular Hitler kissing a baby pictures are these days?

  2. Good question! Are cults of personality fads? Of course, Hitler was established as an arch enemy because of a colossal war. Will it take an American civil war for Trump to be shunned as odious?

    I don’t think that will be necessary, because American culture now is all about spectacles (momentous events exploited for their superficial infotainment value as distractions from unpleasant realities). Even if Trump is president for eight long years, he’ll fade away because a new spectacle will absorb everyone’s attention. No progressive or white nationalist revolution will happen in the foreseeable future in the US. Those who take these ideologies seriously are in tiny minorities. The vast majority of Americans only want to be entertained/distracted, not to have their structural (political, economic, and religious) problems fixed, because they’re unfixable.

  3. SamIAm says:

    Distract me from the reality of having no control with the circus clowns, so that I may forget my absolute powerlessness.

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