Exhausted SLAPP States beg Litigants: Stop Frivolous Anti-2016 Lawsuits Flood

Yesterday, we found out the butthurt DNC wanted to sue 2016 (!)

As with other recent dodgy dealings with the Democratic and Republican establishments, this astonishing act of presumption has set an alarming precedent.

And now, it seems everyone else wants to get in on the game.

A whole TWENTY-EIGHT beleaguered State legislatures are PLEADING with disgruntled anti-2016 hatemongers and bigots to delay any lawsuits they are filing…

Until their hardworking bureaucrats have time to decide whether the lawsuits are frivolous, and thus whether the SLAPP laws should be applied in order to smack them down before reaching the court.

One anonymous Washington Post source tells us:

We understand that everyone is saying ‘these are just stupid,’ but this is a question of proper legal procedure. Our contacts in Germany have warned us severely that the law is the law, and merely flippantly saying ‘this is stupid, suing 2016 is an absolute ridiculous idea’ simply WILL NOT CUT IT!

Justice shall be denied no man…

Especially no straight, white, well-meaning metropolitan Arkansas liberal male.

So, this means that no matter what our own private, individual, purely subjective feelings on the matter may be, the letter of the law and proper legal procedure DEMAND that we thoroughly examine each anti-2016 lawsuit until there is ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEIVABLE DOUBT WHATSOEVER, that the lawsuit is a waste of time.

So far, we haven’t found any legitimate cases of illegitimate lawsuits. We are all working ourselves to the bone, round the clock, 24/7.

But on the plus side, the rule of law is being preserved, and that’s all that matters, really!

Seriously though…

Please quit sending us these lawsuits for the next ten years or so, until we clear the backlog. This just isn’t going to work if EVERYBODY is sending them.

A disgruntled Shawn Spicer mutters:

The rule of law cuts both ways. Ask not what you can do for the rule of law…

Ask rather what the rule of law can do for you!

Ohhh, so that doesn’t fit the Constitution? Well, maybe you need an alternative Constitution then!

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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