The latest trend in the world of human resources is the so-called exit interview. In theory, it gives a departing employee an opportunity to express his grievances while at the same time providing useful feedback to the employer.
Our intrepid reporter managed to track down a secondhand time machine allowing him to transcribe Barack Obama’s exit interview two years hence:
What is your main reason for leaving?
I guess I’d have to say the provisions of the Twenty-second Amendment limiting me to two terms in office but those crazy House Republicans would have to be a close second.
Did anything trigger your decision to leave?
The upcoming deadline of January 20, 2017 had a lot to do with it but, to be honest, I was really looking forward to finally getting Joe Biden out of my hair.
What was most satisfying about your job?
Being the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth.
What was the least satisfying thing about your job?
Realizing that I had less power than the person who sets my daily agenda.
A big “no” on that one. I thought I’d be setting a legislative agenda to help guide America’s future. I didn’t expect that I’d spend half my time meeting with foreign leaders I’d never heard of and getting my picture taken with sports teams.
Did you receive adequate training to do your job?
Given the track record of my predecessor, I’d have to say yes.
Did you receive sufficient feedback about your performance?
Between the right-wing media and the Tea Party Republicans, I got way more feedback than I wanted or needed. Mind you, that second election victory in 2012 was kind of nice.
Were you able to fulfill your career goals?
Not really. I always wanted to be a point guard for the Knicks.
What would you change to make your workplace better?
Close down the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court. Seriously, though, how about shutting down the House and the Supreme Court?
Did any policies or procedures make your job more difficult?
Yes, the Constitution often got in the way of what I wanted to accomplish. Also, I wasn’t always a big fan of the judicial system.
Would you consider working again for this employer?
Well, obviously I can’t be President anymore but I wouldn’t mind being a senator again or even an ambassador.
Did anyone discriminate against you, harass you or cause hostile working conditions?
Every day.
Based on your experience, what do you think it takes to succeed in your position?
Probably a “coup d’etat.” Am I still allowed to say “coup d’etat”? Seriously, though, it takes super majorities in both houses, a re-balanced Supreme Court and the patience of a saint.
What did you like most about your job?
Air Force One and the great desserts.
What did you like least about your job?
Walking the dog and listening to John McCain.
Before leaving, did you consider a transfer?
Yes, I considered transferring Joe Biden.
Do you have any tips to help find your replacement?
I suggest you check with Hillary on that one.
Looks scary enough for me.
Yeah, I could have done better with the aging. I spent a good hour trying to find a site to upload a pic for easy aging, and it turned out to be a nightmare. Could have worked it up on my end a tad more. Oh well, next time.
Hair isn’t grey enough. The eye crinkles are good though.