Progress in Education Reform: The We Don’t Care about Our Children Act

With the pending education fiscal cuts, the White House and Congress have cooperated in creating a proactive initiative that is not only financially feasible, but will ensure quality education.

Working with other members of the Committee on Education and the Workforce, Representative Michael Paulson has drafted the We Don’t Care about Our Children Act (WDCAOCA).

The bill has been lauded by the White House and the Department of Education as “practical” and “the biggest reform in the history of the public education system.”

The bill hearkens to the foundation of American education. Each school house shall be contained in a single room and have one teacher for all the students.

This system has proven effective as shown by the success of Joyce Carol Oates and Laura Ingalls Wilder, who attended one-room schools. In fact, Representative Paulson has stated that the popular TV show A Little House on the Prairie (which chronicles the life of Laura Ingalls Wilder) was an inspiration when crafting WDCAOCA.

However, the modern schoolhouses will aim to promote non-traditional education that focuses on increasing labor skills rather than promoting intellectual growth. Representative Paulson states, “The one room schoolhouses envisioned by WDCAOCA foster the development of talented manual laborers in the fields of mechanics, plumbing, trash collecting, and janitorial work.”

Many experts agree that the bill is the beginning of a golden era for American students. However, the bill must overcome opposition from educators and parents whose alleged “concerns” about American students only serve to increase the misguided belief that American students are capable of being successful scientists, government officials, and engineers.

“The aim of WDCAOCA is to make students more fruitful workers and increase their self-confidence. American students have dealt with enough criticism and it is time to help them feel better about themselves,” said Mary Lewis, an education expert from the non-partisan think tank Foreign Students First. “American students must accept that their strengths lie in physical labor, not in intellectual thought,” she added.

The old school buildings will not be wasted—money has been set aside to transform all expensive modern schools in existence into mansions for the members of the local governments. The houses in the poorest areas of each city shall be allocated as the school houses.

Ms. Lewis praised the subsequent renovation efforts, saying, “Improving the architecture to meet designer standards will not only create jobs, but also require millions of dollars that should stimulate the economy enough to prevent an economic recession.”

A spokesman from the White House said that it may still, however, be necessary to begin burning books to lower heating bills during winter months. Book collection campaigns have already started in Kentucky, Washington, Maryland, and Vermont; each state is expected to set up its own campaign by May 31st. “Students should feel smarter knowing that the works of scholarly men and women will literally be fueling their education,” said Ms. Lewis.

WDCAOCA states that principals will be elected by community members to serve three month terms. Students who have intellectual capabilities comparable to their foreign peers (as shown by standardized testing) will have the opportunity to become accountants and teachers.

Average students who do not possess talent for physical labor or intellectual ability can be participants in laboratory research or be personal assistants.

The old system of education negatively impacted the self-confidence of students and led to dreams that were beyond their reach. Rather than having a negative impact, fiscal cuts are ushering in positive educational reform that will prepare students for the workforce and promote economic growth. The old education system shall not be missed.