After being rejected by the Smithsonian, Monica Lewinsky announced today that she will be selling her famous, blue, semen-stained dress at auction.
Southeby’s, Inc., which will be handling the sale, predicts the historic dress should fetch up to $10 million or more at auction along some vintage signs for auction.
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“This dress has priceless historical value”, said Southeby’s representative Sylvia Hardon. “This one semen stain changed the course of history! From this stain we see the dramatic impeachment of a beloved President, the country take a dramatic shift to the right and the republicans gain power! Two major wars were caused, the entire US economy was destroyed, nations felled and the United States became a demon in the eyes of the world! This dress has no less significance than the original Magna Carta or the original US Constitution!”
Government scholars agree with Hardon’s assessment. “It’s a shame the Smithsonian Institute won’t put this dress on display”, said Norwegian Government Scholar Nordham Ludquist. “This historic item is even more valuable than Marilyn Monroe’s dress in which she sand Happy Birthday to President Kennedy!”
Smithsonian representative Joel McVickers said, “our institute does not display any item stained with semen unless it’s been washed first. It’s just our policy”.
The winning bidder of the dress with also get the panties Monica wore on the fateful day complete with her vaginal secretions.
Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and several other billionaires are among those wishing to make the purchase.
Southeby’s announced later that the cigar Bill Clinton used at that time will be auctioned off in the near future.
I think I've spotted this dress before. Oh wait, that's what Bill said.