Frustrated Voter Questions Paul Ryan’s Birth

Frustrated voter Dixon Notch of Plainville, Ohio has raised a complaint about Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan.

“I’ve got a problem with Mitt Romney’s pick of Paul Ryan,” said Notch. “It’s not Ryan’s right-wing conservative views on things like abortion and gay marriage that bother me or even his far right budget proposal comprising tax cuts for the rich and benefit cuts for everyone else. Heck, I can even accept that he’s a stupidly big fan of Ayn Rand.”

What Mr. Notch apparently can’t accept is that Mr. Ryan may not be a properly qualified vice presidential candidate. The Constitution says that you have to be at least 35 years old to serve as president or vice president. Media reports state that Ryan’s 42 but, as noted by Dixon Notch, he doesn’t appear to be a day over 30.

“Wikipedia says Ryan was born in Janesville, Wisconsin on January 29, 1970,” says Notch. “But I was 20 years old in 1970 and I don’t remember any birth announcement for a Paul Davis Ryan. Do you? And Janesville? Is that even a real place? Sounds like a phony name to me.”

Mr. Notch thinks it’s time that Ryan prove his real age. And not with some notarized copy of what is likely a phony birth certificate or some half-doctored, semi-photoshopped hospital document. As Notch notes, we’ve been through that charade before.

Dixon Notch wants Paul Ryan to be a man and prove he’s 35 or older. As Notch notes, surely in this modern age there are home movies or videos of his birth.

Notch wants to see some family archival material like a lock of his baby hair or a bronzed baby shoe that we can run some DNA or carbon-dating tests on. At the very least, he’d like to see some affidavits from those present at his birth including any doctors or nurses on duty.

So far, we’ve seen absolutely nothing. All we have are a bunch of third-hand, hearsay statements that Ryan was born in 1970 in a supposed town called Janesville. Notch would like to trust Mr. Ryan on this point but he’d prefer some hard factual evidence. After all, even Superman tried to fool us for years claiming he came from Smallville.

Mr. Notch is not alone in wanting to get this issue out in the open before it’s too late and we end up electing a vice president who’s under 35 and a heartbeat away from the oval office.

He’s urging patriots like Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh to join his crusade and ensure that there will be no underage candidates for the nation’s second highest office. In the words of Mr. Notch: “Let the birth day movement begin.”