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Romney’s Tax Records Show He’s Working for President Obama

Romney’s Tax Records Show He’s Working for President Obama

WASHINTON D.C.- The Romeny campaign had contested showing Mitt’s 2011 returns for so long, and once released, every one understood why.

Mitt Romney had been on the Obama campaign’s payroll for quite some time.

“Mitt did a really good job acting like he was a serious contender for the presidency,” explains David Axlerod.

“I think recently, it became apparent that he was actually working for us. I mean, what candidate would have so many gaffes if he didn’t work for the other team?”

Rick Santorum stated that he had “always known Mitt Romney wasn’t a real conservative,” and that he knew Romney “worked for Muslims.”

Romney’s campaign manager, Matt Rhoades, when asked about the tax records told reporters that “obviously it would do damage to the campaign, but as you can tell, we have long given up that rouse.”

“We were all on the payroll. Why else would we run such an inefficient campaign. No president has ever gotten re-elected in such tumultuous financial times. Seriously, not even president Obama is that good.”

When asked about the possible effects on the Obama campaign, Axlerod stated “What effects? The other guy is working for us. This is a shoe in, it’s not like any one is going to vote for a third party, that’s absurd.”

Ron Paul, one of Romney’s most outspoken critics, told reporters that “now it all makes sense. He spent so much money clawing his way out of the primaries that a presidential campaign seemed impossible. Now that the public knows how rigged the election is, they might feel better about voter suppression.”

Paul Ryan was not on the Democrats pay roll, although was given the opportunity to. He stated that he did not take the money because he “didn’t believe in taking money from a socialist,” and that he would “lose with dignity.”

Political pundits are analyzing just how much dignity is left within the Republican party. Trending numbers indicate the amount of dignity has been declining sharply since Donal Trump ran for nomination.

Obama has declined to speak on the matter, but briefly stated that it was a part of his policy on getting some Americans jobs, and helping other Americans keep theirs.

When asked about the position, Mitt Romney defended himself and said, “I have grown attached to a certain lifestyle and can’t go back to living how I used to live.”

“ I don’t think I could face moving in to a home less than nine thousand square feet. That would destroy my self esteem. Also, as an unemployed ex-governor, I needed the insurance.”

Although the tax returns showed that Romney was employed by the opposing candidate, but he also donated a considerable portion of his income to charity.

His charitable donations included the Mormon church, Brigham Young University, and Camp Tugabone. Tugabone is the Sioux word for ‘strait wrist,’ and the camp rehabilitates gays to be converted in to equal citizens.

Matt Rhoades concluded his interview with the press by exclaiming how thankful he was that “people had been thinking that Joe Biden was working for us. It was just the misdirection we needed to pull this thing off.”

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- who has written 44 posts on GlossyNews.com.

I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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3 Responses to “Romney’s Tax Records Show He’s Working for President Obama”

  1. Beckket says:

    Romney “works for muslims” gotta Lovett

  2. John Cooker says:

    This explains why Mitt has been the star of his own attack ads. He’s such a good actor that he seems to really be sincere when he says let the 47% eat cake. Can’t wait for the debates.

  3. Bee says:

    It all makes sense now.

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