Rumors are circulating that the IRS is contemplating an audit of Mitt Romney’s tax returns for the years 2002 to present, a full 10 year’s worth of returns. A spokesperson for the IRS claims that Romney’s staunch refusal to provide the returns in order to clear up misconceptions about his business dealings over the past few years has finally raised a red flag for federal auditors.
“Things were going just hunky dory,” said assistant chief auditor, Cyrus Farkner. “Mr. Romney wasn’t doing anything different from other wealthy businessmen. Sure, we were keeping an eye on him, and we occasionally tried to connect the dots on Mr. Romney’s business dealings over the years, but we never really had a reason to audit him, until now.
Farkner says that now, however, the heat is on and unless the IRS wants to appear stupid, they must take the necessary steps to keep the taxpayers happy.
“We realize that the tax code is to blame in all this,” said Farkner.
“We provided Mr. Romney with tax shelters, legal loopholes, and the ability to ship a large portion of his wealth to offshore interests, but there comes a time when we have to ‘fess up and realize, we did wrong, and we need to make it right.”
The only way to do that, claims Farkner, is to audit Romney and get the whole thing out in the open where it can be analyzed, picked apart, and scrutinized by the media.
“We just want to say to Mr. Romney that we apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. And we assure him that we will move this along as quickly as possible so that he can get back to his campaign for President unfettered…unless, of course, we find anything out of the ordinary.”