Keeping Up with the Ex-Presidents Broadcasts Live from the White House

President-elect Obama today had lunch with four former Presidents- Bush 1 and 2, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. George Bush Sr. from habit wiped his hands with a sanitized wipe after shaking Obama’s hand. All gave him bits of advice from their Presidential experience.

Mini-me Bush showed him the secret drawer on the desk where he could quickly stash his video game if guests arrived unexpectedly. Carter suggested that he not lust in his heart. Clinton suggested he not lust in his pants.

Bush Jr. suggested to Obama that he could give him tips on how to improve his bowling game. Obama suggested he could help Bush out with his vocabulary. Bush Sr. asked if he could just take a peek at Obama’s birth certificate “just for some friend’s sake.” Obama asked if he could look at Bush Jr.’s honorable discharge papers “just for some friend’s sake.”

Cheney tried to crash the party and they all put their shoulders against the door to keep him out.

Elder Bush suggested not eating Japanese food and asked that he not make fun of his son. He then pulled Obama aside and asked if he wouldn’t mind stepping down so that George Jr. could “have another go at it”.

Clinton passed the rest of the time telling dirty jokes. George Sr. explained the jokes to Jr. who always laughed last.

Toward the end, George Sr. fell asleep and snored loudly. Jr. played with Legos he had stashed away and Clinton showed Carter passages from Penthouse Adviser that he’d underlined.

Things did get a little touchy when Bush Senior forgot where he was and who he was with when he said to Obama “Say boy, could you take away these dirty dishes and bring me a scotch on the rocks? And do it snappy!” Clinton also pulled his old trick of dropping the fork on the floor when the female server in the mini-skirt came by.

Both Clinton and Carter snuck a peek up Michelle Obama’s skirt when she sat down and joined them for a bit. She then had to leave shortly thereafter because the men all unanimously agreed that a White House meeting was no place for a woman, to which she left in a huff, stating “Wait till 2012!”.

It should be noted that this is the first time a black man has been to a function with three politician’s from the deep south in which he was wearing a regular tie and not one made out of hemp rope.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at