New York, NY, GlossyNews.com– Speculation and tensions are rising on Wall Street as political unrest in the Middle East is not only causing gasoline prices to skyrocket, but poster board prices are at an all-time high as well. Although in Libya, concentration has shifted from protests to civil war, elsewhere in the Middle East, protests still rage on.
Poster board prices jumped from $15.29 a carton to $70.15 a carton, the largest jump in poster board prices since the May 10, 1999 Episode WWF Raw which featured a six-man tag team battle between The Undertaker, Triple H, and Shane McMahon versus Steve Austin, The Rock, and Vince McMahon with Shawn Michaels as the referee.
Although projections of poster board prices were made in regards to global distress in countries like Libya, Egypt, Bahrain, Yemen, United Arab Emirates, Iran, and Iraq, experts say the commodity shortage and subsequent price spike hit closer to home than Americans think.
Commerce Secretary, Gary Locke warned a room full of potential poster board investors that “we are not immune to this problem here in America. With the protests in Wisconsin and Tennessee, one would be hard pressed to find even a scrap of card board east of the Mississippi.”
Due to the enormous demand for poster-making material, Bill Daley advised American citizens “The President is hard at work,”and “Don’t panic. Normal paper product prices would return to previous levels some time in the future.” But skeptics seem to disagree and doubt the President will tap in to the poster board reserves.
A local New York teacher explains that science fairs have been canceled indeterminately due to the lack of poster board, widening the academic gap already in place between American children and other students internationally.
Effects of this shortage can be felt beyond the depletion of poster board. The cost of materials necessary for picket signs have doubled and fence shortages will soon be realized by this statistic.
An economic expert from UC Berkeley, speaking on the condition of anonymity due to his lack of tenure, claims further calamities might ensue because they “do not have an adequate medium to portray the staggering figures due to the poster board shortages,” adding, “at least they aren’t running short of American effigies like usual. That should calm the markets a bit.”
Latest from Wisconsin: Due to the skyrocketing prices of poster board, protest participants are now generating protest graphics on their IPads, laptops, and Androids and holding them up over their head while they march. This works especially well for night time protests.