Columbia, SC (GlossyNews) — Conservatives, led by newly divorced adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (exR), whose marriage ended earlier this year after lying about his whereabouts and cheating on his wife, have lost their patience with the news media that continues to pry into their every indiscretion.
Sanford, who recently spent a vacation in Florida renewing his passion with his foreign girlfriend, became irate when journalists showed more interest in his lack of integrity and morals than in his feeble attempts to actually govern.
Sanford finally broke off the charade and attempted to call out the journalists, as if they had created the problem and not he.
“This is just plain stupid. We all know what happened, so how long are you going to continue to report this crap and ignore the real news? How long do we have to endure reporters who are obsessed with what goes on in peoples’ private lives and bedrooms rather than focusing on what really matters in the world?”
It was at that moment that Sanford realized that focusing on what people do in their private lives was exactly the true core of the entire Conservative movement. Focusing on such personal and private things as religion, sexual orientation, and empty value judgements based on a person’s race, ethnic or national origin.
Sanford went on to say, “too often we judge people by our own fears and weaknesses. We need to focus on what they say and do, not on these superficial things that just don’t matter. Why, I just realized that it really doesn’t affect me who marries whom, where someone comes from or whether we believe in the same God. Maybe what is more important is what they can contribute to society and that their lives are complete and fulfilling.”
“For the first time in my adult life, I realize that I am not really that person who thinks someone has value because of the color of their skin or their orientation. I really don’t think I am a Conservative. I think I’m just a normal person who can accept the values and beliefs of others without trying to judge them from my own position of weakness, fear and insecurity.”
“I don’t think I can be a Republican any more.”