REAGAN LIBRARY, SIMI VALLEY, CA (GlossyNews) — The Ronald Reagan Centennial Committee is planning a two-year presidential candidate run up to the 2012 elections. The RRPF, Inc. (Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation) is a corporation in the most recent 2010 Supreme Court Ruling sense of the word. This newly minted “personal” corporation has stated as its reason for existing, “Our Corporate Reagan can now, and indeed will, run for and become the next president of the United States.”
It is being billed as a Centennial celebration only because Reagan happened to be born 100 years ago.
Planned fundraising and get-out-the-vote events nation-wide include: Concert for America at the Hollywood Bowl – $450/seat; Coast-to-Coast Freedom Torch Run – $150/mile–1000 mile minimum; Military Bases for Reagan tributes – $650/member; Reagan Online University – $4500/course–5 course minimum; Smiling Nancy’s Presidential Balls in Washington DC – $8500/couple. There are various price bracket events being planned in every state to assure that all Americans will be financially able to participate. The campaign staff is encouraging all current state governors, especially New York, and legislatures to pass laws that guarantee all citizens the “right to participate” with loan programs with low interest rates.
All of the proceeds from this 2-year national campaign will be invested in the Campaign to Elect Corporate Reagan as President. It is estimated by staff members that the total proceeds will exceed $2 billion in the first year of fund raising. Some cynical aides feel that with $4 billion in projected earnings, Corporate Reagan will be the president to end all presidents. “Rapture, me think, doth approach”, as one said anonymously.
Author/Political Commentator Sarah Palin was contacted for her take on Candidate Corporate Reagan’s entry in the 2012 election race.
She replied by Twitter and referred us to her more in-depth Facebook entry: “I look forward to meeting with this Candidate Reagan guy, or whatever, soon. I have been told that he/it has some very good ideas about government that are strikingly similar to my own positions. It would be good to get together so we can sorta sort out who said what first. I don’t want the voters to be confused as to who isn’t telling the truth here.
“Now that’s not to say that in any way am I going to run for election in 2012” she smiled. “I have legally contracted commitments to the Fox Network for the next 5 years, so I won’t be going anywhere soon. Plus there’s my other little side commitment thing with my “Alaska, Really?” TV reality show with Mark, which I hope becomes a series like his Big Brother show awsomely did. I can use the cash. So, you see, I am not saying that I am throwing much of anything into the ring this early on.”
On a different but related front, The GE–Reagan Scholars Athletic and Spelling Competition at the Reagan Presidential Library was announced as the brain child of GE CEO Jack Unmelt.
Mr. Unmelt said in a press conference, “This unique scholars program is a superb use of the videotape library from the General Electric Theater TV program.”
He continued, “Each of the 208 restored-to-broadcast-quality episodes of “General Electric Theater” in which Reagan hosted or appeared from 1954 to 1962 will be watched over the 3-year term of this advanced degree program. Scholars who are unable to attend these planned viewing classes will be able to watch reruns during the summer terms of the Scholars Program or, alternately, will be given a spelling test of Reagan’s favorite words and phrases gleaned from the study of the 208 tapes.”
The CEO also revealed that at Nancy Reagan’s special request, GE is funding this scholar’s academic study with $10 million. Most of this money will go to pay Nancy’s estimated 3-year electric bill for watching the tapes. The cost is approximately double what CEO Unmelt planned, as Nancy refused to watch the tapes with the academic scholars in the program, making double showing necessary.
The left over money budgeted to Nancy allowed for a grant of $50,000 from GE to be paid to the first group of 1,000 deserving young people (aka GE Reagan Scholars) who have never heard of Ronald Reagan, but agree to watch all 208 episodes.
CEO Unmelt explained that “As the $50 stipend will not pay the expenses of these budding young political scholars, they will be required to fund themselves for the 3 year length of the scholar program. This is not a “scholarship” program. GE is not picking up living expenses for these young people. Nothing beyond the popcorn they eat during viewing classes.”
These GE Reagan Scholars will become corporately certified by GE as ready to serve as beginning Representatives and Senators in all Bush-era Red States legislatures. It is projected that most will figure out how to work their way up to seats in the US Congress.
GE CEO Jack Unmelt said that “GE’s humble $50,000 contribution to this next generation of State and Congressional legislative members is our way of giving back to the country which made us so rich. That Nancy is one financial pistol. I tell you. It’s just damn Irish luck that we were able to get this 50 Gs back from her.”
He continued, “In the true spirit of the great reincorporated Ronald Reagan we know and love, not one non-union employee at GE lost their job as a result of this corporate scholarly largess. We will advertise this fact throughout the country with a prime time major ad buy of an additional $4 million per state. The costs for this ad campaign will be born by a global layoff of 65,000 recently hired union laborers.” He said.
“We want the American Public to know that GE is not afraid to put its hard-earned money to work to guarantee this country the legislators it deserves.”