Washington DC By the narrow margin Court watchers have come to expect, the Supreme Court ruled today that Black History Month should “get over itself already.” In the five vote majority opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, “There is no Constitutional precedent for highlighting the achievements of specific ethnic groups. While technically permitted as redress of past discrimination, it just goes on and on, you know? Black History Week would be OK, but Harriet Tubman and Sojurner Truth, well it gets old quick.”
Legal scholars called the ruling a bold turn in Supreme Court thinking, as it marks the first time an opinion has been issued unrelated to any pending litigation.
Columbia Law professor Adam Lambert, wearing a stylish Versace jacket said, “The Court has always been a political body. In the current power vacuum where Democrats hold clear majorities yet can’t even seem to pass gas, the Supremes are exploiting a perceived weakness to become cultural arbiters.”
Other legal experts were not so optimistic about the Court’s bold move and agreed with the four vote minority. The dissenting opinion, authored by Justice Ruth “Buzzi” Bader Ginsburg held, “Are you guys crazy? March Madness is WAY more tedious than Black History Month!”
In other Supreme Court news, a rare unanimous ruling held today, “Boy, that Toyota recall is some messed up stuff, huh?”