Hard-core Republicans, also known in some circles as the ‘Evil Empire’, plan to have their Death Star fully operational by the 2012 election.
The Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’s studios ans used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. It was re-stolen and rebuilt by the right using the gargantuan profits made by Halliburton in the Iraq War, now referred to as ‘Liberating Iraq’s Oil’.
The designs were revamped by Darth Cheney, who now obscures his face behind a dark mask and his voice through a breathing apparatus so no one will recognize him. He wears a special outfit that keeps what is left of his heart ticking.
Unfortunately for the Repubs, in 2008 Obama Skywalker learned of their dastardly plot and upset their dark plans before the Death Star was at it’s full capacity. But evil has the ability to ever bloom anew. This time they won’t let anything stop them. Nothing less than total control will be enough. And nothing less than total obedience. The Dark Side of the Force is strong with them.
May the world be ready for 2012.
May the Force be with you, young Skywalker.
Beep! Twinkle! RRR! Whistle beep! –R2D2
R2 has just informed me that a copy of the Death Star plans is encrypted in his system, but that an Evil Empire virus has prevented it from being readable. As soon as we can find a doctor from Obama-wan Kenobi’s planet, we should be able to–what was that R2? No, they won’t have to dis-assemble your– R2! Come back here! Oh, dear. We’re doomed… –C3PO