Malia and Sasha Obama woke up to a pretty lame Christmas morning when they discovered that Santa had not visited their house this year. Said Michelle Obama, “had Barack and I not prepared for this contingency, the girls would have had no Christmas at all. Thank goodness we had the foresight to ask what would happen if some short-minded Republican Party leaders decided to pray against a nice Christmas for our children, and we went ahead and sent over some staff members to get some Elmos and I-pods for the girls at Walmart.”
Unfortunately, with no fireplace in the house the Obamas were staying in, Malia and Sasha insisted on placing milk and cookies on the front veranda for Santa. The contingency plan by Michelle and Barack went horribly awry when President Obama, thinking his staff had taken care of it, did not secretly eat the milk and cookies to make it look like Santa had visited. “I am so used to having every little mundane chore done for me these days that it didn’t even occur to me that one of my staff members wouldn’t think to get rid of the milk and cookies before morning.”
“The first thing those girls did when they woke up in the morning was to go out on the veranda to see if the milk and cookies were gone. They were not.” said Barack. “The kids were heartbroken when they realized what that meant. Santa Claus did not make a visit to the Obama home this year.”
Upon hearing the news, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) and Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC), in a joint news conference Saturday jubilantly praised God, Tony Perkins and Lou Engle for the success of the “prayercast” they had commissioned to see to it that if the Senate Healthcare Reform Bill passed, then Santa would either put lots of dirty coal in Barack Obama’s stockings or would just pass over the Obama household altogether. Said Michele (Bachmann), “we have no idea why our original prayercasts didn’t work in bringing down the Senate vote on healthcare reform, but this small victory, seeing to it that Santa passed over the Obamas this year, was a major coup for the religious right and shows us that with a little more effort, these prayercasts can change the direction of this country.”
No word on how much Perkins and Engle were paid for performing what is being touted as a “major act of God,” but there are reports that each woke up Christmas morning to find brand new Hummer SUTs parked in their respective driveways.