ALBANY, NY — Professional Political Campaigner and Alaska’s Former Republican Governor Sarah Palin stacked up yet another pre-election win today against Less Formidable Republican Campaigner and Georgia’s Newt Gingrich in a state House seat battle where neither opponent resides — New York.
Palin campaign spokesperson Meg Stapleton’s spokesperson played Stapleton’s taped press statement of Palin’s hand-written statement. “It is in the best interests of the Republican party that Newt Gingrich “takes this one for the Gipper” (Former POTUS Reagan). He needs to remove himself to Georgia to lick his wounds like the Republican Former Speaker of the House (RFSOTH) he presents himself to be. Ms. Palin as Republican Former Vice President(candidate) (RFVP(c)), easily tallies the win here. She didn’t even have to show up to wherever this place is to post her victory. Everyone sees now that Sarah “RFVP(c).” Palin has inherited Cheney’s (Former VPOTUS) golden touch.”
It was briefly noted in the press transcript that Ms. Palin specifically hand-wrote this statement herself, because of the complexities with “all these GOVT initials” –her words.
RFSOTH Gingrich said, when asked to comment on the Arctic reversal in the House race, “I’m not sure about the general overall meaning of this chain of events to the greater good of the Republican Party. I will moderate a Washington DC Blue Ribbon Think Tank webinar sometime over the next few weeks to see if anything can be done about reversing the tide here. I just have to get the right panelists and important sponsors, then we’ll convene the webinar. You’ll all get invites. It’s never over.”
Gingrich continued, “On the surface, with just 3 days until the election, it would seem that being in third place with 20 percent of the vote in that heavily Republican district, and with her primary opponents at a too-close-to-call-35-36 percent advantage, that… What’s-her-name – the candidate who quit? Strozzapreti – ah, even we newer Catholics know what that name means. Anyway she certainly had the unspoken but effective backing of a seasoned Professional National Quitter.”
Gingrich almost breathless now, continued, “It’s of no matter the outcome of the race here or what my well-sponsored webinar concludes. The members of the trampled GOP, the historical party of the conservative movement in America, must be made aware that there is no other way now, but up.”
The NY election is this next Tuesday.
The blood fight was won today in Alaska v. Georgia. @Palin recorded the results as #VPPalin=1, RT SOTHNewt=0. The RT reference here means “retired” not “retweet”.
This officially readjusts the Vegas odds on the GOP 2012 Presidential Bumper Sticker positioning of the moment at 35:1
Palin
Gingrich
2012
(see actual bumper sticker graphic above).