Budget Cuts Threaten U.S. Readiness for Unlikely War

Pentagon worried about ability to defend nation against improbable attack by indeterminate enemy.

WASHINGTON – Facing potential budget cuts of $1 trillion over ten years as a result of the U.S. Congress’s failure to agree on a deficit reduction plan, the Pentagon is voicing its concerns about the dangers such a reduction in defense spending poses to national security in an era of growing improbable military threats.

In an appearance today before the Senate Armed Services Committee, Gen. Martin Dempsey, Chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, warned that if the cuts are implemented, “the nation’s ability to defend itself against a highly speculative attack by an as-yet-unspecified enemy could be placed severely at risk.”

Gen. Dempsey cited several examples of the grave and far-fetched risks America could face with a weakened defense capability. The most serious and implausible among them, he said, is a direct tactical assault on the United States by a hypothetical foe who is unaware of the fact that they are attempting to take over a country with a $14 trillion debt, crumbling infrastructure, and tens of millions of unemployed citizens.

“Although it is difficult to imagine that any foreign government in its right mind would want to occupy our debilitated, problem-ridden, nearly bankrupt homeland,” Gen. Dempsey noted, “we cannot rule out the possibility of a preposterous invasion of America by some lunatic dictator backed by a giant force of equally uninformed and confused followers.”

Other dire and unrealistic scenarios cited by the general include attacks on strategic American interests abroad by a foreign power which has momentarily forgotten the fact that the United States has a standing arsenal of 2,500 nuclear warheads capable of striking anywhere in the world within minutes of their launch.

“And, of course,’ Gen. Dempsey continued, “there is always the possibility of a genocidal incident somewhere on the African continent. After witnessing the recent events in the Sudan, one hates to imagine the United States not having the power to sit idly by with its vast military resources while millions of innocent men, women and children are helplessly slaughtered.”

Finally, Gen. Dempsey stressed the ongoing threat of Chinese military expansionism in the Pacific Rim as a key concern. “China continues to strengthen its naval forces in the region,” he said, “and we must not allow an imbalance in military capability to arise in that strategic part of the world. ”

In response to the general’s remarks, a high-ranking Chinese official stated that his government understands U.S. concerns about China’s military build-up and fully respects America’s intention to spend as much as necessary in order to stay militarily competitive.

“What you’re doing is exactly what the former Soviet Union did in response to President Reagan’s military build-up during the 1980s,” the Chinese official noted. “By the way, did I mention that we’re planning on developing an extremely expensive space-based laser missile defense system? You should probably hurry and start investing in one of those yourselves, regardless of the cost.”