Little Caesars Pizza sues Ancient Rome for brand infringement

BATTLE CREEK, MI – America’s leading cereal manufacturer, Kellogg’s is suing a Californian non-profit organization, the Maya Archeology Initiative, claiming the nonprofit’s use of a toucan in its logo (left) too closely resembles Kellogg’s famous Fruit Loops cereal icon, Toucan Sam. Apparently Kellogg’s is trying to corner the market on both high-fructose breakfast cereals and cartoon toucan characters.

Kellogg’s is no stranger to filing lawsuits for brand infringement. In 1998, they sued Exxon over the oil company’s use of a tiger for a long-running ad campaign to “put a tiger in your tank.” Kellogg’s claimed that Exxon’s tiger bore too close a resemblance to their own famous icon, Tony the Tiger. Apparently, Kellogg’s is also trying to corner the market on cartoon tigers – perhaps with an eye to opening America’s first cartoon zoo.

Other leading consumer brands have followed Kellogg’s lead and have recently filed their own brand infringement claims. Some pending lawsuits include the following:

  • Apple Computers is suing Jehovah Publishing for brand infringement for its blatant and longstanding use of the image of an apple in the opening chapter of its best-selling book, the Bible. Attorneys for Apple claim in their court filing that the negative association of the apple featured in the Garden of Eden has created confusion among Apple’s user base, many of whom have begun to worry about eternal damnation at the hand of the Almighty if they are tempted to use Apple products.
  • The Little Caesars Pizza chain is suing the city of Ancient Rome for blatant brand infringement of Little Caesar’s iconic animated ancient Roman Caesar spokesperson in a toga in all of its print ads, television commercials and coupon offers. The company’s VP of Brand Management stated that a cursory tour of any decrepit Roman ruins bears an uncanny likeness to the dining area of a typical Little Caesar’s restaurant. They also plan to file injunctions against more than 2,000 college fraternities in an attempt to prevent them from hosting toga parties planned for Homecoming weekend unless they order their pizza from Little Caesar’s.
  • Energizer Batteries is suing the Lutheran church of Waukesha, Wisconsin for brand infringement for their use of kids in Easter Bunny costumes in their annual Easter egg hunt, dating back to 1967. A spokesperson for the battery maker reports several dozen instances of very young Energizer customers doing scavenger hunts for the batteries and ingesting them, apparently confusing them with marshmallow Easter Eggs. Energizer has also filed injunction papers against the Trix Cereal rabbit, the Cadbury bunny, and Volkswagen, maker of the Rabbit automobile, on similar brand infringement grounds, due to the fact that these other companies’ diverse product offerings all bear a striking resemblance to AA batteries.
  • Mercedes Benz is suing Greenpeace on the grounds that a logo commonly associated with the international peace organization – the iconic peace symbol – bears an almost identical resemblance to Mercedes Benz’s classic hood ornament. A spokesperson for the auto maker stated that Greenpeace’s brand is associated with hippies, Peace Corps volunteers and unemployed graduate students majoring in French literature – hardly the type of people Mercedes wants purchasing their line of status symbol luxury cars. This creates enormous brand confusion in the minds of their target market of highly affluent male corporate executives engaged in tawdry affairs with their research assistant, Angela.

In a related story, negotiations have stalled between the Cleveland Browns NFL football franchise and Crayola Crayons over naming rights to the color brown. The football franchise, citing longstanding exclusive ownership rights to this word, which came from the team’s original head coach, Paul Brown, is attempting to negotiate the purchase of the exclusive rights to the color brown. Sources report that the Browns have offered Crayola a list of alternate names for the color, including “Dirt”, “Saharan Sunset”, and “Poopy”, but to date Crayola executives have been nonresponsive. This lack of cooperation has apparently infuriated the Browns’ senior management, who are now reportedly so frustrated by Crayola’s unwillingness to negotiate that they are seeing red.

Author: Tim Jones

Tim Jones is a free lance humor writer based in Seattle, Washington and author of the humor blog View from the Bleachers . net. Tim is not afraid to tackle controversial issues head on. From Politics to Parenting to Pop culture, if the subject begins with the letter P, Tim has something profound(ly meaningless) to say about it.

2 thoughts on “Little Caesars Pizza sues Ancient Rome for brand infringement

  1. The U.S. Treasury sued the Illumini for brand infringement and look what happened? Did you think the U.S. credit rating downgrade was mere coincidence?

    Amusing piece, well-constructed.

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