Feds Considering Stricter Warnings on Booze Bottles

After 25 years of successful lobbying against warning label reform, Big Tobacco suffered a major defeat this week when the FDA announced that starting in 2012 cigarettes would sport new graphic labels depicting charred lungs and dead bodies warning of the dangers of smoking. The labels would also include written warnings such as “Smoking causes cancer,” “Cigarettes lead to an early death,” and “Using Tobacco products will make you frequently poop.”

With this long, drawn out process coming to a close, Commissioner of the FDA, Margaret Hamburg, has set her sites on the alcohol industry. Ms. Hamburg reportedly wants to replace the stylized government warning currently on the bottle with more graphic labeling. Some labels would show the swollen liver of a recently deceased alcoholic while others would depict the results of a drunk driving accident. More controversial labels would depict men having sex with ugly women. 

Even more graphic labels would contain girls crying because no one thinks they are pretty and middle aged women clapping too much while they dance. Hamburg cautioned about going too far, and thus rejected a label portraying drunk music fans actually enjoying a Dave Mathews Band concert as “too shocking” for the general public.

Author: Anderson Pooper

read more of my articles at thewashingtonfancy.com My talents are also available for birthday parties, camper/RV shows, and Sunday drives. I am an avid Fresh Prince fan but don't agree with Uncle Phil's authoritarian parenting style. My favorite color is orange and my favorite shape is the hexagon.

1 thought on “Feds Considering Stricter Warnings on Booze Bottles

  1. We need a warning label on this site that it schmeltz your brain and makes you vote for silly people.

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