The United States of Corporate America

SANDPOINT, Idaho (GLossyNews) — In a bold statement today, a jubilant Sarah Palin announced her plans to rename our country. “We live in a great country. And if we want to see things get done, if we want to support our economy, we need to recognize who the real leaders are. It’s not our government, it’s our country’s corporations that really make our country great. In honor of all the great businesses of America, I propose we rename our country, “The United States of Corporate America.”

GOP representatives all across the country have denied any knowledge of Palin’s proposal, but one spokesperson close to Palin, who spoke only on condition of anonymity, stated that drafts of this proposal have already been introduced in Senate and House subcommittees. “They are already working behind the scenes and with close input from their corporate sponsors and benefactors, to make sure that this proposal is made law. We are counting on a strong Republican turnout in the upcoming elections, funded by strong corporate backing, to make this proposal happen!”

When asked about the recent Republican vote that effectively killed expanded funding and loans by small financial institutions to small business, Palin responded, “Small business is not what makes this country great. My hero, Ronald Regan, was the champion for corporate America. For instance, he single handedly eliminated small family farms across America so that Agribusiness could thrive. Now its my turn to continue his work for the benefit of all aspects of Corporate America.”

Palin, when asked about further adjustments to American institutions, responded that “I have some other great ideas out there. Of course, once the United States of Corporate America is adopted as our country’s name, all those songs and the pledge of allegiance need to be changed. And that bit about ‘Of the people, by the people, for the people.’ That’s just another way of saying, ‘Of the coloreds, by the coloreds, for the coloreds.’ Obama has made that really clear. I proposed it should be changed to: “Of the corporations, for the corporations, by the corporations.’ Then just sit back and watch our country prosper!”