MINNEAPOLIS, MN (GlossyNews) – Shock and horror were rampant in the children’s snack market this morning as the word spread that the popular “My Little Pony” fruit snacks contained elements of actual pony. The discovery was apparently made during an unannounced inspection at L&M Novelty Foods.
“Today is a sad day for both the children’s snack market and the equestrian community,” said lead USDA inspector Arnold Roberts. “We had suspicion for quite some time that elements of the product contained horse meat, and this was unfortunately confirmed by today’s test results.”
When asked about the allegations, L&M Marketing Director Gary Lawrence stated, “L&M Novelties is appalled at these gruesome results. However if there are elements of the product that contain horse meat, I assure you it is of the finest quality!”
L&M will be fined for misrepresenting their product, but representatives of the Minnesota state Food Commission remarked that since the product marked ‘My Little Pony Fruit Flavored Snacks’ actually contains significant amounts of pony and fruit flavoring, there was no substance to any charges of misrepresentation.
In fact, one of the lawyers for the state told Glossy News, “the actual percentage of pony in the My Little Pony snacks exceeds the percentage of juice in a ‘Juice Box’ drink. It’s actually a damn good value.”
Based on these statements, the company will not be forced to change their formulation or their product’s name.
“This might be the greatest thing to happen to us,” said Lawrence as he appeared excited, “If we play this right, we might have a real winner on our hands. Customers are always begging for a new novelty.”