Corporate Execs Spell Out Their Goals — Greed, Lust and Power

Mission statements are a modern attempt to give pretend meaning and an acceptable facade to the corporation in its never ending pursuit of profits. They are the true intentions and purposes of the business, supposedly. The problem is that the facade is leaning and the meaning is muddled. If we could see the corporate executive’s REAL intentions, they might look something like this:

Skin only as many people as it takes to get our second home in the Bahamas.

See how far we can get with this sort of business before it becomes illegal.

Declare bankruptcy in a few months without anyone finding where we have stashed our wad.

Raise enough money with our charity drives that we can live well and still have something left over to send to the starving children in our posters.

Have enough employees that the executives never have to do any work.

We must work, so we might as well be doing this.

Achieve a level of control and power over people that concentration camps will look like Camp Fire Girl outings.

Get enough dorks to buy our Chinese products that we can afford to buy quality European clothes.

Hire enough good looking broads that getting laid is never a problem.

Sell enough junk to the working classes that we can bribe our congressmen to change the tax laws in our favor.

To use every dirty trick, every conniving nastity, to follow each dirty impulse possible to be Number 1, because we are Number 1.

To work hard enough to create an illusion of respectability that at night we can act like spoiled children without recrimination.

unlike Abe Lincoln, we believe we can fool all of the people, all of the time. Ah, but we don’t really care, as long as they buy our stuff.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at