US Revokes Citizenship of Corrupt CEOs… not really

The United States Government has started a unique new policy of retracting the citizenship of Corporate CEO’s and executives who believe they are above the law of the country. This has made an entire upper echelon of American business essentially ‘men without a country’.

Many of those acting at the top levels of corporations in the world have shown complete disregard for the laws of the nation their firms are based in. They have done such things as enacting practices that knowingly pollute the natural surroundings of their land, paying below par wages to those working in their establishments, manipulating local laws to their advantage and showinggross disregard for other laws regulating fair trade.

Many corporate entities have acted as though they themselves were private kingdoms having total impunity from the ways of the society around them. Meanwhile they have paid themselves many times over what would be a balanced salary even when they are causing the company they are running to fail.

Exiled executives must now find other lands in which to live. Unfortunately for them, many other top nations have passed similar laws, forcing them to seek asylum in poorer lands. Countries that remain open to their immigration are Bolivia, Niger, Albania, Bangladesh and Uzbekistan.

While residing in these countries would be economically advantageous because the dollar buys a lot there, they would have to do without such amenities as running water and electricity.

“How will I plug in my laptop?” whined Persival Starchedshirt, CEO for Sweatshops Amalgamated as he moved into the two story barn that was the fanciest building in Sowbut, Bangladesh.

“I can’t drive my Rolls Royce on these streets!” complained Marshall Highnose along the mud road that ran past his plantation house in Bolivia.

“As if it wasn’t bad enough, my wife and I get raped and robbed every time we go into town.” complained Clarence Highborn III of his exile in Dungfield, Albania. “They know from our Gucci accessories that we are good targets, especially when all they have to wear are old appliance boxes.”

Many of the exiles complain of missing normal everyday things such as the English language, soap, television, newspapers, toilet paper, roofs, beer, water and other commodities. Many ask what good does their money do them when they can’t get anything with it. Somehow we don’t feel too sorry for them.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at