Government whistleblower Edward Snowden warned US citizens today that the NSA has confiscated the cameras of all computers and they are surreptitiously watching all Americans masturbate.
“Even when you don’t think you’re online or even when your computer is turned off the US government is watching you and keeping a record of your activities”, the activist claimed. “When you masturbate you should keep the camera away from where they might see you!”
NSA officials were quick to deny Snowden’s report. “That’s ridiculous!” said NSA Director Keith Alexander. “The only people we watch masturbating are suspected terrorists, felons suspected of terrorist activities and others who may become terrorists!”
Some Americans claim they have seen NSA monitoring them. Ms. Paula Glasscock, a secretary from the law firm of Hoar & Hoar, was masturbating while watching a video on a popular porn site when a video image of an NSA agent popped onto her screen. “The man on the screen said, ‘shit, I accidentally turned my camera on’, then the screen went back to normal!” she stated. “And it was just as I was approaching the big O!”
Alexander neither confirmed nor denied the report but did say, “the law firm Ms. Glasscock works for does business with another law firm that has ties to a company that sells to a business that buys products from Pakistan, a country known for terrorist activities. We may or may not have been have been surreptitiously monitoring her to assure she does not engage in terrorist activities”.
Snowden claims the NSA has hundreds of thousands of videos of people masturbating from Skype, Google, Facebook and dozens of other services.
“If they don’t want us to see them masturbating then don’t masturbate!” concluded Alexander.
The recent Edward Snowden case is actually fascinating.It obviously features the remarkable difficulties America has with privacy.However it is not only our government. Even private citizens are now spying on one another. Without knowing any thing about you; non-techies,Joe,the Plumber,Joey can use web based tools like I-Gator and learn your criminal records, address, employment history…etc. And identical to the NSA – it is totally lawful.Shady but still legal.This needs to change. In today’s digital world, there’s so much information nowadays. And govt cyber criminals are getting more creative every day. When will it end?The US Government domestic spying scandal is genuinely worrying. However honestly — what did all of us expect. First of all The movie industry has already primed Americans for this degree of invasion. All of us applaud whenever the movie police hacks into cell phone conversations to capture the “bad” terrorists. And even though there’s not a warrant, we have zero issue with it. But we are shocked to discover the exact same technology exists and is being used on us.Furthermore – You don’t need to be a big govt to spy. Businesses monitor us all the time. Any one with a internet connection can pry into your history from Google background searches. Web based snooping tools are making conventional private detectives a thing of the past.It’s all very legal – and all very terrifying.
It’s no use! They’re coming too fast!