Former GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney took out a classified ad today in the Wall Street Journal seeking a new friend to “pal around with.”
“I have everything money can buy,” Romney said in an interview, “but I have never really taken the time to buy myself a good friend that I can just hang out with, watch the game with and just, you know, do friend things with.”
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The classified ad states that the friend must have at least a graduate degree in either political science or economics, be financially secure, Mormon and married with at least two children. Starting salary is $150,000 per year to start.
“I want to make sure he’s not gay and has traditional family values,” Romney continued.
“I hope he chooses me as his friend,” said New York stockbroker George Rollings. “I could make a killing in the market if I could say, ‘hey, I know Mitt Romney.’”
Sources say that Rollings would not be an ideal candidate for the position as he would not be willing to sacrifice his day job to become Romney’s confidant, unless, of course, the market crashes as predicted, and then who knows? It’s a possibility.
Romney did have a friend once in the late 1970’s, but it was an unpaid position as an intern, and the friend quit after two weeks.
“I just want a best friend like everyone else,” Romney stated.
“I need a couch to sleep on in case my wife kicks me out of all our houses,” he said, intimating that moving Ann to Real Housewives territory in California may not have been the best move.