Tag Archive | "tv"

Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings


Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities.

Jeff Zucker, head of CNN, said that in a recent meeting with his news anchors, CNN broadcaster Anderson Cooper flippantly remarked, “Hell, if it would help ratings, I’d snorkel out there myself and probably have better luck finding that damn plane!” Read the full story

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E-Trade Baby Blowing Through Money After Commercial Campaign Canceled


The precocious baby known for turning millions on to online trading, and making millions for himself, is reportedly blowing through his fortune at an alarming rate since E-Trade pulled the plug on the commercial campaign which made him famous.

‘E’, as his friends know him, has been spending like a drunken baby sailor in the last year on things like hookers, booze and gambling.

“Hey! YOLO, bitches. Am I right?” he mumbled through a haze of pot smoke, surrounded by playmates at the ‘Little Shits Day Care’ he calls home during the day when his mom and dad are at work. Read the full story

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Harry Reid Takes on Bundy Family, Al says “Let’s Rock”


(Nevada) – Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) has doubled down on his name calling by referring to the Bundy family as ‘domestic terrorists’ after the Bundy home became a lightning rod for controversy involving unpaid taxes.

The situation began after patriarch Al Bundy refused to pay taxes on Big ‘Uns magazines as well as Bon-Bons and hair care products for wife Peggy.

“Those things are basic essentials, like food and water,” proclaimed Al. “You can’t tax hooters! It’s un-American!”
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Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station


Mere days after sobering up from an embarrassing appearance at the Golden Globe awards, Sean “Bo Diddley” Combs along with MTV VP Andy “Boom Shak-A-Lack-A” Schon have put together a revolutionary new channel called Revolt, geared at music fans.

Revolt revolves around music videos, live performances and social media to encourage an on-going conversation with an imaginary audience. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, MusicComments (7)

Suicide Bomber Gets Inspiration From Honey Boo Boo


TAIZZ, YEMEN- A suicide bomber was inspired to carry out acts of in excusable violence after the TLC affiliate in Yemen carried an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

Il-Sha’if Musaad is a 27 year old engineering grad student who never necessarily saw himself as a terrorist.

In an interview, taped in the Yemen rural countryside on a hand held camera, Il-Sha’if said “I never really thought this would be a proper vocation for me. Actually, I thought I might some day live in America and enjoy the incalculable wealth every one hates. That is, until I saw this blasphemous filth.” Read the full story

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Posted in TelevisionComments (4)

The X-traterrestrial Factor


Gene Roddenberry’s family have released early audition tapes, which show an x-factor style auditioning process to filter out alien species for his hit show Star Trek.

The tapes show various species of aliens auditioning for roles on Star Trek and being critiqued on stage in front of an audience.

The shows creator is said to have favoured this approach because he was able to gauge their over all likeability better then screen tests. Read the full story

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Romney and Ryan to Clean Up Streets in New ABC Drama


LOS ANGELES- After recent reports have surfaced over the lack of news coverage given to Mitt Romney, the Romney/Ryan campaign sought to tackle the issue through a different approach.

Romney campaign manager Matt Rhodes tells US Weekly that “It’s no surprise the liberal media is trying to marginalize Mitt. We saw this coming. We devised a plan to get Mitt and Paul out there, in the television of every home, without the help of the major news outlets, Prime time drama.” Read the full story

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Posted in TelevisionComments (1)

Whacking Your Whites White


A washing powder advertisement has been pulled from television after the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) received thousands of complaints from viewers complaining of its ‘violent’ nature.

Godfather Powder, ostensibly aimed at mob wives, claims to ‘whack your whites, white’ and will ‘enforce’ the stubborn stains into submission.

The television advertisement shows scenes of violent beatings and blood being sprayed over the camera lens. Read the full story

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Democratic National Convention to Premiere Joe Biden Reality TV Show


Charlotte, North Carolina – A week before the Democratic National Convention is scheduled to start, leaked sources indicated that the convention will feature a premiere of Joe Biden’s new reality TV show, Joe the Vice President.

It aims to be the “most epic” reality show, says Biden.

The show’s format will be Joe Biden traveling the country, performing random jobs and duties normally done by ordinary citizens. After the leak, Biden has been giving multiple interviews at press junkets and conferences. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, TelevisionComments (3)

NBC to Debut OH MY GAAAWWWWD in Fall TV Lineup


A “unique” new NBC TV series to debut in the fall is entitled, OHHHH MMYYY GGGAAAWWWWDDDD!!!, and will air every night of the week with a different format each night. For example, Monday nights will allow viewers to witness a facial makeover that will include three OHHHH MMYYY GGGAAAWWWWDDDD!!! moments: One when the makeover candidate is introduced, one during the surgery and another when the makeover is revealed. Other programs include the before and after weight loss of a human leviathan, a horrific true life crime drama, a house makeover and numerous shows with giveaways and bizarre contests. Read the full story

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Deepak Chopra Finally Admits: We’re Screwed


State of Denial – Mind-Body Medicine guru Deepak Chopra, author of such books as “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” and “The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire,” has done a complete about face and is now giving lectures based on his belief that the time for fixing things is over.

“They didn’t listen to me,” says Chopra. “I wrote book after book spelling it out for them and they still are choosing to be ignorant and haphazard in the way they go about their lives. Read the full story

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Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)


State Road 19, Near Tavares, Fla (GlossyNews) — Local man, Hank Fuller, arrived home last Wednesday and noticed something amiss. As he entered the house he could see his friends, family and at least one priest sitting in every available chair but one placed prominently in the middle of the floor.

“Don’t be alarmed, these are people who care about you and want to help you, now have a seat,“ said mediator and therapist, Dr. Lorena Schlutz. “We are here to help you get over your aversion to the variety of crime dramas on TV that are a main source of entertainment for everyone in America. Read the full story

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CBS to Air New “Sonny” and Cher Show


Carmel, CA (GlossyNews) — In a blast from the past, CBS is planning a new version of the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour starring recently masculated Chaz Bono as “Sonny.”

David Cassidy, who will also co-star on the show, says CBS was lucky to find a cadre of writers from the original series who are busy resurrecting what they hope will be a repeat of the original show’s success. “Yes, we are lucky and excited to be included in the CBS fall line-up. If you close your eyes it’s like you were whisked back in time when you hear it. It’s like coming home again.” Said Cassidy. Read the full story

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Fox Un-cancels “24” Amid Rumors of Threats from Sutherland


An Undisclosed Island in the Pacific Ocean (GlossyNews) — Only days after canceling the television series 24, Fox announced today that it had reversed it’s decision and decided to pick the show up for a ninth and final season. The announcement came just as tabloid websites were reporting that Kiefer Sutherland, star of the popular action thriller, had begun intimidating and threatening executives at Fox over the shows early demise.

The execs say there is “absolutely no truth” to the rumors and that the renewal was just a change of heart Read the full story

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The “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up Lady” Found Still Laying There


Emily Fletcher, the lady made famous by the line, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,“ was found in her dilapidated home after a long and tortuous 20 years of numerous abandoned attempts to make it to the couch. She was discovered by vandals who came to rip out her copper plumbing three days before her 95th birthday.

“It’s such a relief this ordeal is finally over,” Read the full story

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Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods Head Back to Work


Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods, who have been sharing a bachelor pad in Palm Beach, have announced that they are going back to work.

Sheen said his main motivation was that he was going “stir crazy” spending 24 hours a day with Woods.

“You can only bounce a fucking ball on the end of a golf club for so long before it becomes fucking nerve wracking to everyone else in the apartment.” Read the full story

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