Tag Archive | "Toronto"

The Canadian Association of Political Satirists Says “Meh”


Canadian political satirists have apparently thrown in the towel. Mr. I. Ron Knee, national president of the Canadian Association of Political Satirists announced at a recent press conference that his association would be disbanding next month.

“I guess, in retrospect, it was inevitable,” said Mr. Knee. “Although, honestly, we never really saw it coming.” Read the full story

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City of Toronto Press Office Issues City Obituary


DEATH NOTICE – The City of Toronto — The City of Toronto (known to her friends as The Greater Toronto Area or GTA for short) expired on November 14th in the Council Chamber of City Hall.

The immediate cause of death was extreme humiliation although City had been suffering from acute dysfunction for some time. She was 220 years old.

Born in Upper Canada in 1793 as the Town of York, City had a difficult childhood including a traumatic torching in 1813. However, she went on to marry and in 1834 took the name Toronto. Read the full story

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Torontonians say Mayor Rob Ford’s Scandals make their City too Interesting


Dateline: TORONTO—Toronto’s citizens are mortified by the world’s mockery of their Mayor Rob Ford for his many scandals, such as his admitting to having smoked crack cocaine while in office, because they fear Toronto will lose its status as the world’s most boring big city.

“We just want everything to go back the way it was,” said one Torontonian, “when no one cared about Toronto. We just want to fly under the world’s radar so we can keep living in quiet desperation. Is that too much to ask? To not have a crazy circus come to town, so I can get on with wasting my life? Read the full story

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Think You Know Canada, eh? 7 Northern Neighbor Myths


The United States shares a border with its neighbor to the north, Canada, that’s 5,525 miles long – or if you happen to be Canadian, that’s 8,891 kilometers – not that anybody really uses kilometers, mind you. Did you know that our border with Canada is the longest unprotected border in the world? I’ll bet there are a lot of things you don’t know about our friendly neighbor to the north. Read the full story

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Tragedy Blamed on Mistaken Identity


TORONTO, Ontario (GlossyNews) RCMP District Superintendent Dudley Pemberton spoke to reporters today in the wake of what’s being called ‘the Toronto atrocity.’

“First, I want to say we tried to do right. All of you who snidely imply otherwise, you don’t have your facts straight. These G20 summits, it’s horrible. Young environmentalists flying in from all over the world to chant ‘no blood for oil’ and they’re spoiling for confrontation.” Read the full story

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