APPLETON, WI (GlossyKidsNews) – Despite attempts of wooing potential dates with dazzling wit and humor, Appleton East High School sophomore and champion “mathlete” Jon Henderson, appears to be striking out at love. “Girls should be throwing themselves at me after hearing my jokes about pi,” he complained yesterday. “They all took geometry last year, they should get it!” Read the full story

Columbus, OH – A mother and daughter wait in a sterile examining room. The daughter shifts uncomfortably on the crinkly paper sheet atop the standard issue table bed. The news from the doctor is grim: the girl may never hear again.

“What?” the girl replies. It’s like the punch line to a cruel joke, but no one’s laughing. Read the full story

Alfie McScrunt, the boy who was reported to have fathered a child when he was 12 years old, is not the baby’s father, DNA tests have shown. Alfie, now 13, of Smegmadale’s Sink or Swim Housing Estate, told the ‘underage sex’ columnist from the Cormorant Strangler’s Gazette that he was ‘dead chuffed’ (Chav-speak for ‘proud’) he’d got his 15-year-old girlfriend ‘up the tub’ (further Chav-speak for ‘preggers’). Read the full story