Tag Archive | "superbowl"

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win


National pizza chain Papa Johns has posted a massive 1st quarter loss that is expected to hurt year end business results.

This is all in part to the deal the pizza chain has in cities with NFL teams.

Whenever a home team wins, Papa Johns offers 50% off of all orders.

As the Arizona Cardinals continue to win-win-win, Papa Johns is losing money quicker than a gambling addict in a casino. Read the full story

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Posted in SportsComments (2)

Comatose Broncos Fan Awakens to Horrible Reality


A Denver Broncos fan who has been in a coma since 5 minutes into the Superbowl has finally awakened and close friends are unsure how to tell him what happened.

According to witnesses, Tindell Higby III, a University of Colorado senior, passed out with approximately 10:48 left in the first quarter and never regained consciousness.

“We’d been doing Jello shots since noon getting ready for the pre-game activities,” said one man who declined to be identified, but described pre-game activities as a game of “Bong Tag”. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, Sports EventsComments (6)

Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike


Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in on Super Bowl Sunday, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike.

“I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take center stage this year. Mike has many years experience in predicting weather patterns based on nothing more than the visibility of his own shadow. Let’s all join me in welcoming Mike back to this annual pagan ritual. And don’t wake me up on Sunday!” announced Phil from a pre-written statement before ducking back into his hole. Read the full story

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Posted in Science, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Random Pointlessness Takes the World by Storm


Denizens of the universe have apparently discovered a favorite new sport. Called “Random Pointlessness”, or RP for short, this sport involves a fair amount of hard work and sweat, but nothing remotely resembling intelligence.

Random Pointlessness was invented in Pennsylvania where it quickly surpassed football as the most boring thing to watch on television. Inevitably, RP’s unmatched lack of purpose caused it to quickly become the dominant staple of American entertainment. Read the full story

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Posted in SportsComments (5)

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