Tag Archive | "South Africa"

South African Rugby Team To Play US At American Football


After disappointment at the Rugby World Cup 2015, which included arguably the most shocking defeat in the tournament’s history, team coach Heyneke Meyer yesterday confirmed that the Springbok will take a yearlong hiatus to pursue ‘other opportunities’.

Team captain Flourie du Preez later confirmed the news, adding that the team with be facing a US ‘All Star’ team at American Football in July 2016. Responding to journalists at a fundraising event in Pretoria he said, “I’ve always fancied playing quarter back and I could use the additional income, so why not?” Read the full story

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American Philanthropists Resent Vilification of 80s Tory Leader


Wallace Runnymede is currently being persecuted by the malign and conspiratorial forces of international global justice, for his tiresome, lamentable screed on NewsBiscuit:

http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=93562

Estate of Unnamed 80s Tory Leader Arranges ‘Racist Wildebeest’ Superinjunction.

This headline has nothing whatsoever to do with pro-apartheid South African wildlife, in case you were wondering.

In fact, it has nothing whatsoever to do with former Tory leaders, the estates of former Tory leaders, wildebeest, racist wildebeest, racism, racists, authoritarian political systems in postcolonial Africa (South Africa or otherwise), or the funny little hoof marks outside the ‘dogging’ station at Number 10. Read the full story

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Tea Party Calls for Deportation Of Illegal South African Minors


In a rare show of solidarity, three major Tea Party groups have come together and issued a joint statement calling for the arrest and deportation of illegal minors in South Africa.

“Illegals are law breaking free loaders who steal jobs and drain public coffers while contributing little to decent white colonial societies.

That they are under age is a great abomination to people who hold traditional values about family, marriage, abortion, a woman’s place in the home and who have a justifiable fear of God.”

The statement went on to say “South Africa’s natural resources make it a gold mine for parasites and this is a prime example of what happens when a nation fails to secure it’s borders.

“South Africa is overrun with illegal minors…smelly, short, brown and uneducated who just traipsed right in because real South Africans didn’t have the God given balls to build an electrified fence across it’s southern border”.

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Millions Mourn South African Terrorist


JOHANNESBURG – With wails running free across the air, millions of grieving humans gathered in Sandton Square on Friday afternoon to mourn the passing of a great and respected national terrorist from South Africa.

Participants interviewed expressed an almost uniform admiration for the late terrorist, with many fighting back an outpour of their emotions.

“He was just so perfect,” said tourist Jean Paul Golddollar between a tear-soaked handkerchief. “No matter how much the Western governments tried, they failed to extinguish his drive to kill innocent people.” Read the full story

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Rap Bludgeoned by Ninja


CAPE TOWN, South Africa (GlossyNews) — Having been an astronaut, toymaker, and motivational speaker, Ninja boasts an unusually long resume for a white man. He was making his rounds through the slums of Cape Town, South Africa, where he worked for the liquor company Jagermeister by distributing its contaminated byproducts to disadvantaged minorities in an effort to cut down on waste management costs, when a chance encounter inspired him to start the rave-rap trio Die Antwoord.

“I saw this Coloured street performer,” he said during our interview last week in the trophy room of his country estate, a relic of his British colonialist ancestors’ diamond mining slave empire, Read the full story

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Miners in Ghana Feared Dead or Taking Dives to Protest Working Conditions


ACCRA, Ghana (GlossyNews) — According to local officials in Ghana, at least 32 miners from Dunkwa Akyempim are feared dead after the gold mine they were working in collapsed from torrential rains. Although the accident occurred on Sunday, rescue efforts were hindered by flooding. International excavation experts say that because the mine was constructed as a pit, the influx of water would likely have pooled at the bottom and drowned the men within hours. Read the full story

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