Tag Archive | "security"

Historic compromise – Snowden and Obama both to stand trial


This reporter has learned from confidential sources that have top security clearance and a ticket to Hong Kong that there will be a major compromise in the Snowden case.

Mr. Snowden, who has been indicted for espionage, theft and conversion of government property, has agreed to be extradited and stand trial before the U.S. Supreme Court in exchange for a reciprocal arrangement from the U.S. government. The U.S. would agree to turn over President Barack Obama to stand trial for violation of the fourth amendment rights of 313,914,040 American citizens as well as the killing of 4606 civilians in drone assassinations in at least six countries. Read the full story

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Have Americans discovered the secret to happiness?


His Excellency, Lyoncho Karma Tobgye, Minister of Happiness in the Kingdom of Bhutan, asked to meet me because of my reputation for telling the truth while avoiding or inventing facts, which is the opposite of most journalists. Here is a transcript of our conversation:

RIGHT: Artwork by Henry Martin. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse


LONDON, UK – The British Home Office has revealed that, owing to a contractual oversight, the security force for the 2012 Olympics – which opens in London this Friday – has been downgraded to a single horse called Shadow.

It had initially been agreed between the London 2012 Organizing Committee and security firm G4S that over 10,000 guards would be provided for the duration of the Games. Read the full story

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Airports to Employ Eunuchs for Enhanced-Invasive Screening


New York – GlossyNews.com – According to informed sources the government has come up with an imaginative solution to the problem of invasive image scanning at airports.

Many travelers, especially women, have complained about the fact that the new scanning technology in effect showed them naked to the TSA screening attendant. And they have been equally unhappy about the alternative, being “patted-down.” Read the full story

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TSA Screener Detects Testicular Cancer in Traveler, Saves Life.


SAN NARCISO, Calif. — Ceremonies will be held today in honor of William Fallopian, a local San Narciso boy turned hero. Fallopian, son of Mike Fallopian, a well known Yoyodyne executive and chairman of the Peter Pinguid Society, works for the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) at Los Angeles International Airport. Fallopian garnered national attention last week when, during a routine full body screening, he detected testicular cancer in a traveler waiting for clearance at the security checkpoint. Read the full story

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TSA Groping Incident Attracts New Employees to Agency


LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Glossy News) — Since the recent incident between Southern California resident John Tyner and the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), which involved the now infamous “groping” scandal, travelers are debating whether to continue moving about the Land of the Free by plane. Several civil liberties organizations have gone so far as to urge fliers to forgo air travel on November 24, historically the busiest day in airports across the country. Read the full story

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Homeland Security Calls on Superman to Help Passenger Screening


In a move to help quell the uproar over airport full-body scanners, Department of Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano put in a personal call to the Man of Steel asking for help, despite doubts about his very existence.

The growing backlash from passengers, pilots and airlines themselves has prompted an emergency meeting between the DHS and TSA to look for a solution just before the busiest holiday travel season of the year officially kicks off. Read the full story

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TSA Takes “Security” Out of Name


Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The US Transportation Security Administration today announced effective February 1, 2010, the Administration will take the word “Security” out of its title, becoming simply the US Transportation Administration.

The official spokesman for the Administration, Roger ‘ Pink ‘ Floyd, told the Glossy News this morning, “The whole security thing is a lot harder than we originally thought. We think it is just beyond the scope of services we can offer at this time.” Read the full story

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