Tag Archive | "pelosi"

Republicans Wish Democrats Would Stop Smiling

WASHINGTON – With the 2012 U.S. election now nearly a week old, Republican politicians are beginning to wonder how long it will take for their Democratic rivals to wipe the shit-eating grins off their faces and return to normal.

“It was understandable the first day or two after the election,” said Rep. Joe Barton (R-Tex.), “but now it’s starting to get kind of annoying.”

“Right, okay. We get it already. You’re happy,” noted Rep. Walter Jones (R-N.C.). “Now get over it, and let our Republican Congressional majority start making you miserable again.” Read the full story


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Democrats Reaching Out to Werewolves

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — Speaker Pelosi this week followed triumph with triumph, again displaying her political acumen by securing the coveted Werewolf vote. The move stunned even Pelosi’s harshest critics speechless, shaking their heads in grudging admiration.

A visibly euphoric Pelosi introduced Larry Talbot to reporters at her tastefully decorated offices, and wisely stepped back from the spotlight, savoring yet another victory. Mr. Talbot, chairman of the Lycanthrope Support Network put a decidedly ‘middle America’ face on the usually apolitical Werewolf community.
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Congress Proposes Replacing 2010 Election w/ “Psychic Estimate” Index

hWashington, DC (GlossyNews): House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, met with the press and Congressional leaders today to discuss replacing the 2010 mid-term election cycle with a “psychic estimate” of the voters’ true intent.

“There are just so many distractions and inherent inequalities in the current electoral process, we have to seriously question whether a fair electron is even possible,” Pelosi stated. Read the full story


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GOP Officially Declares Moral Bankruptcy

Washington DC – Long accused of being morally corrupt by most of their critics, the GOP today filed papers in Federal court declaring moral bankruptcy to the nth degree.

Wiping back what looked to be actual tears, Senator Lindsey Graham presented judges with the legal papers to be filed. Supporting him were The Arnold, governator from CA, and Senators Arlen Specter, PA and John McCain, AZ, bringing up the rear. Read the full story


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Dems Desperately Seek to Cave to House Repubes [sick]

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, head puppet mistress of the larger of our nation’s two great houses, may have injured a lumbar disc in session yesterday as she attempted to bend over backwards far enough for house minority Republicans to administer their hot dose of “values” down her throat from the back. Democrats these days are not just in power or empowered, their in an unusual position of power… to the minority Republicans, who whip them about like impotent children. Read the full story


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Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Washington — Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reports that the Obama Administration plans to use the death of Senator Ted Kennedy to fast-track its health care reform measure now languishing in Congress. Read the full story


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CIA Tape Shocker: Pelosi in Bed with Reid, Murtha

Washington — In an escalation of the conflict between the Central Intelligence Agency and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a CIA source has provided the New York Times a tape of what he maintains is a July 2007 meeting attended by Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and Rep. John Murtha. Read the full story


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Foundation to Launch “Cash for Congressional Clunkers” Program

New York — The Foundation to Preserve American Values, a private philanthropic group, announced at a news conference today that it will distribute up to one billion dollars in grants to selected members of Congress. Ralph Warren, President of the FPAV, called the initiative, “Cash for Congressional Clunkers.” Read the full story


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Al Qaeda Split Over Obama Overtures

A source in al Qaeda’s inner circle tells Al Jazeera that hardliners oppose Osama bin Laden’s decision to alter the organization’s tactics in response to President Barack Obama’s overtures to the Muslim world. Read the full story


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