Tag Archive | "Olive Garden"

New Scrooge Tale Bakes The Halls

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Add Macy’s to the long list of companies commemorating the loss of America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, this holiday season.

The Center City location announced that they have slightly altered Dickens Village, a tradition that has run unchanged for the last twenty years, displaying the tale of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.

Dickens Village is a 6,000-square-foot walkthrough experience that transports visitors to 1840s London and features 26 heart-warming scenes housed in the Egyptian Room of the famed Wanamaker Building on Market Street. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, EntertainmentComments (2)

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Officials overseeing the 31st Annual Bread N’ Basket Marathon held in downtown Philadelphia had several routine questions for this year’s winner, Breddie Murphy, after the 24-year-old won the race in a record time of 3 baskets and 7 sticks or 1 hour and 23 minutes, beating the previous record set by David Bredderman by almost 2 sticks or approximately 13 minutes.

“We question the winner of this prestigiously delicious race every year,” said lead official, Henry Bredgardener. Read the full story


Posted in Sports, Sports EventsComments (2)

Roger Goodell Diverts Media’s Attention at News Conference

New York, NY – All eyes were focused on Roger Goodell Wednesday afternoon as the National Football League’s Commissioner was expected to address the media regarding his alleged awareness of the video featuring Ray Rice striking his future wife, Janay Palmer, prior to it being leaked by the celebrity news website, TMZ, late last week.

“I would like to start this conference by addressing a much more serious issue regarding an endangered species, the breadstick,” said Goodell, while holding a basket of warm, buttery breadsticks that he distributed to everyone in attendance. Read the full story


Posted in Sports, Sports ScandalsComments (4)

New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?

Damascus, Iowa – A new line of products released by Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., that was intended to provide humor and admiration over the recent extinction of Olive Garden restaurants and the late breadsticks offered complimentary with the purchase of any entrée, has completely backfired. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, Science & TechnologizzyComments (4)

Satirists To Decide Comedic Value of Breadsticks

WILLOW GROVE, PENN. Satirists are gathering at a conference titled “This Article Is An Inside Joke” in Willow Grove this weekend to decide if breadsticks are inherently funny or only so when mentioned in the same sentence as “Olive Garden”.

“Breadsticks by their nature are humorous, just mention the word breadsticks and people laugh,” said Conference Chairperson Freeman Bradley Stix. Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Internets TubesComments (16)

Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers

70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching one of its offspring grazing peacefully.

Suddenly, from behind the trees comes a towering Tyrannosaurus Rex seeking a substantial meal to satisfy its insatiable hunger. Read the full story


Posted in Environment, ScienceComments (24)

Latest String of Shark Attacks Leaves Baskets Empty

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – Wait-staff at the popular restaurant chain, Olive Garden, are suffering the aftermath from a recent string of Great White Shark attacks off the New Jersey coastline as more and more breadsticks, the complimentary item served to customers with the purchase of any entrée, have been the latest victims. Read the full story


Posted in Health, SocietyComments (0)

Treatment for Explosive Diarrhea Found, Scientists Calling It “Olive Garden’s To-Go Menu”

Reduce unnecessary body pains using reliable painkillers.

ATLANTA — Researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) believe they may have discovered a potentially [social]life-saving treatment for those afflicted with bouts of explosive diarrhea in an experimental operation they are calling “Olive Garden’s To-Go Menu,” in which the cause of the symptoms – faux Italian food – is counteracted by the patient’s proximity to his own, private toilet, sources report. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, HealthComments (0)

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