Tag Archive | "Koch brothers"

SCANDAL!- Many Republicans Found To Be Hooked On Koch!


A shocking report has reached news desks throughout the country that many Republicans, especially those in great positions of responsibility, are hooked on Koch.

Koch, which first made it appearance in the 40’s, has become more virulent in recent years. It is highly addictive and those who become hooked on it quickly develop selfish, anti-social behavior.

Unlike heroin, meth or crack the user does not develop the degenerative physical attributes that readily mark the abuser as a junkie. Read the full story

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Impoverished Citizens Fail to Speak up for the Billionaires


This is the face of Donald Sterling who lost his NBA basketball team. And those are the brothers Koch; Charles and David, who spend most of their money trying to help others with no thought of benefit for themselves. So gracious.

These three men belong to one of America’s fastest growing disadvantaged groups: disadvantaged billionaires.

Fifty years ago, there were only dozens of these unfortunate souls. But now there are hundreds and because their numbers continue to grow, they desperately need our help. Read the full story

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The Many (questionable) Roads To Success


So many are struggling in our current difficult economic times where the few controlling the financial strings of the country have the rest of us dancing around just to survive while they watch from the porches of their grand estates grandly amused.

In order to help those so afflicted (approximately 90% of the population) we offer this famous series of success videos and books designed to show you examples of what other individuals, groups and nations have done to win wealth for themselves. Read the full story

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Koch Bros. Top $100 Billion, Dead Pharaohs Impressed


Charles and David Koch, best known for the purest grades of frack-water you drink and the mercury you breathe, have reportedly topped the $100 billion mark in net worth. Let’s break down how much money that really is.

Clearly it’s a lot, but more than that, it’s a nearly unfathomable amount. So absurd is this load of cash that I’ll post my math at the end so you can verify for yourself that this is really real. Read the full story

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Blowback from Koch Story from (Un)likely A-Hole


We recently ran a story about the infamous Koch brothers’ wealth. Their wealth has increased $33 billion since the horrible Obama took office, but apparently that’s not enough of a story for some random jackass from the internet.

So let’s give “Kevin from Connecticut” his fair ounce of air time. Read the full story

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Collector David Koch Invites Reporters to View His Coveted Cash Heaps


Billionaire businessman David Koch, known for his political activism, entrepreneurial prowess and world-renowned collection of money has invited photographers and journalists in to see his private collection first hand.

David and his brother Charles both inherited a large, private collections of money from their father, Fred Koch, the chemical engineer responsible for building refineries which would eventually make their sons world-class businessmen* and even greater collectors in his footsteps. Read the full story

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Election Day, Why Not Choose a Dictator?


Charles and David Koch
Koch Industries
666 Koch Avenue
Koch, Kansas

GlossyNews.com – RE: President of the United States

Dear Human Resources Manager:

I am applying for the position of President of the United States. Please find attached my resume. I’ve seen this ad running for several months now and I conclude that you have been unsuccessful in locating a suitable candidate. Read the full story

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Tea Party’s Bold Plans to Eliminate the Debt Completely by Dec. 17th – Conclusion


Previously, I shared with you some bold new initiatives planned by America’s leading Tea Party politicians to wipe out the entire US Debt before the end of the year.

Think of it as a gigantic Christmas present to America from the Tea Party (so long as you’re not elderly, disabled, poor, a member of a labor union, Muslim or, worse yet, gay).

You can read Part I of this series here, where you will learn about brilliant ideas put forth by some of the brightest stars in the Tea Party caucus of Congress to save trillions in wasteful spending in the areas of healthcare, education, and financial regulatory reform.

As brilliant as those thoughtful plans are, I’ve saved the best of the best for this week’s conclusion. So let’s get started, shall we? Here are some even more brilliant debt-reduction schemes waiting to be implemented by the Tea Party-controlled Congress* (a wholly-owned subsidiary of Koch Brothers Industries*).

Kentucky’s Tea Party Senator Rand Paul has a daring new solution to the unemployment crisis: Ship all of America’s unemployed to Mexico. Speaking briefly yesterday to a gathering of people dressed like Ben Franklin, Paul said, “Let’s be honest. Most of these people stopped looking for work eight months ago. Now they are just draining the coffers of our states’ unemployment insurance plans. It’s not like any of them is going to get a decent-paying job any time soon.”

Paul’s innovative cost-cutting plan will ship anyone over the age of 21 (age 25 if you’re married with children) who has been unemployed for more than five months to Guadalajara, Mexico. Paul is confident that with American workers’ superior education, training and competitive dental hygiene, they are sure to shine in Mexico’s robust job market – leapfrogging over most Mexicans as they compete for jobs as textile factory workers, fruit pickers, and, if lucky, drug mules.

South Carolina’s Tea Party Congressman Joe “YOU LIE” Wilson, has recently proposed his own ingenious plan to shave trillions off of our national debt – by shaving off trillions of acres off of America.

“Let’s face it,” said Wilson to a gathering of men and women dressed up like  Abraham Lincoln recently. “Several states like California, Oregon, Washington, New York and Massachusetts have made a mockery of America’s heartland values.” He went on to denounce these radically leftwing blue states for routinely taunting America’s small town moral majority.

Wilson’s plan eliminates countless national debt-related problems caused by the presence of leftwing liberals, gays, unionized teachers and Bill Maher once and for all – by unilaterally seceding any state from the Union which is deemed morally bankrupt – as determined by a phone-in poll of  Rush Limbaugh radio listeners.

Wilson’s “Most of America First” plan will save what’s left of our nation after the secession trillions of dollars in healthcare costs and unemployment benefits, not to mention substantially reducing the number of frivolous civil rights lawsuits from gays – in part because most of them won’t technically be living in our country anymore. In response to angry complaints from residents of California and New York who expressed outrage that this unilateral secessionary move was unfair and unconstitutional, Representative Wilson shouted back, “Repeat after me, rest of America: ‘Not my problem.’ “

Finally, in a bold display of patriotism and compromise with his Democratic colleagues across the aisle,  Iowa Representative Steve King, normally a staunch opponent of taxes and reason, is sponsoring groundbreaking tax legislation:

“The government shall levy a 25% federal income surtax on anyone who appears to be Muslim or speaks Arabic fluently – 35% if  ‘Mohammed’ appears anywhere in their name or they insist on wearing burkas.”

At a press conference, Representative King asserted that his tax proposal, the complete text of which appears above, needed no further explanation nor justification. Amen, Congressman. Amen.

King then abruptly left in his private Learjet for a round of golf at Pebble Beach with the Koch brothers and House Speaker Boehner, where they plan to discuss ways to eliminate Social Security for anyone earning less than $150,000 a year.

I applaud our inspirational Tea Party leaders. They are passionate about their beliefs and they stick to their guns (often literally). I know of no other political group in our nation’s history that has ever had such titanic aspirations for our country. I can’t imagine there could be any icebergs ahead.

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GOP Considers Rebranding as “Social Tea Party”


Des Moines, IA —GLOSSY NEWS With 2011 barely into its 4th month, House Tea Party Caucus leader Michele Bachmann whipped her Iowa audience into a frenzy over light bulbs, gay marriage and abortion with her stump “Social Conservatism is Physical Conservatism” keynote address.

She finished by advocating giving the GOP a new name and then said it must become the Social Tea Party. The name change was unanimously ratified by the 130 Iowans who paid to attend, thus trashing forever the old time party names, Republican and GOP. Read the full story

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