Tag Archive | "historical revisionism"

Trump Orders Obama’s Presidency be stricken from the Historical Record


Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C. (Crazy Town)–President Trump signed an executive order, commanding that every sign be erased, that Barack Obama had been president.

Trump ordered the military to destroy everything from stamps bearing Obama’s facial likeness, to news recordings of Obama’s speeches, to political cartoons about Obama.

The President added that anyone caught saying that an African-American was ever president of the United States would be sued personally by him.

“Repealing Obamacare is only a stepping stone,” said Trump’s spokesperson, Kellyanne Conway. “Talk about alternative facts! You liberals in the media actually think an African-American was president for eight years. But show me the evidence he was ever in office, once we’ve finished tossing that evidence into the memory hole.”

According to Democratic Senator Lillian Lillyliver, “You see, Republicans erred in attempting to tar Obama by informally naming the Affordable Care Act after him. Now they have to deal with the mess of trying to repeal and replace it, just because that healthcare bill is associated with Obama’s name, since Republicans evidently want no memory to survive that Obama had ever been president.”

Asked why she thinks Republicans are so opposed to that memory, Lillyliver said, “Methinks it’s because Obama’s as black as Trump’s heart.”

“President Trump seems to be taking a page from the pharaohs,” said Egyptologist Manuel Mysterioso. “If a pharaoh wanted to destroy his predecessor’s legacy, he obliterated every trace of it, by chiseling the former pharaoh’s face from relief sculptures, for example. And so future generations would forget that that detested pharaoh had ever lived. The belief was that our spirit resides in some physical form so that if you destroy the form, the spirit–and thus the intangible memory–dissipates.”

“It’s a case of ‘Hear no evil, see no evil,’” said one political analyst. “You know: out of sight, out of mind. If you don’t have to be reminded that something awful happened, you can pretend it never did. Why it matters whether a neoliberal president like Obama has light or dark skin is anyone’s guess. That’s a matter for a psychotherapist. I mean, Obama bent over backward a thousand times to accommodate the insanity from the far right. And the Republicans deliberately stonewalled him from the get-go to prevent the public from forming the conviction that a civil, democratic government can function as an alternative social arrangement to a capitalistic marketplace.”

“I’ve already forgotten who was president before me,” said Trump. “You say it was a ‘man of colour.’ Does that mean he was just someone other than an invisible man, someone who wasn’t colourless?” After the euphemism “person of colour” was explained to Trump, the president said, “Oh, so he was black, you say, an African American. I see no evidence there was any such person who used to sleep in my bed.

“In fact, the very notion that there are people with non-white skin seems farfetched to me. I’ve never seen these dark-skinned people you speak of. Is this like the myth that there are hordes of non-millionaires and non-billionaires polluting the earth? Where are all these losers supposed to be hiding? My Cabinet’s composed mostly of millionaires and billionaires, because there’s no one else in my world. And how can I step outside my world and still be me?”

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Blair Warns Germany: Stop Apologizing for Mass Atrocities (2/2)


No, look, look, let’s cut to the chase. This is a textbook example of deliberate smear tactics! A cynical, malicious, orchestrated campaign of personal vilification against some admittedly somewhat fallible individuals…
Who somehow, God forbid, DARED to presume to lack the all-seeing, pristinely perfect, absolutely comprehensive omniscience that their critics so unjustly demand of them…
And which their critics no doubt cynically attribute to themselves alone.
Well, if you dare to arrogantly and maliciously single out the Germans like that, all I can say is: God help the rest of us mere mortals!
Well? What do you think?
Is there ANYONE ON EARTH who could even come close to these hideously high standards, these highfaluting moral and epistemological criteria, to which the Germans have been so unfairly and arbitrarily subjected?
Well, if that’s how it’s to be, how many of us will be left standing on that great and grand day of judgment, when the innocent sheep of good character and goodwill shall be vindicated and receive their eternal reward…
While the vicious goats who abused their power and tyrannized over others without mercy will themselves receive no mercy, and will be finally cast into eternal perdition?
No, believe me, this is not rhetoric.
(Well, it never is, is it?)
No, let me tell you now! This is deadly serious, and if anyone takes these matters lightly, they’ll one day discover, to their cost, that it’s all too late…
And that they have wasted their life, spilled their talents on the ground, the same ground which cries unto high Heaven for justice against the oppressor…
As they drown and choke in the blood of the innocent, fearfully screaming to themselves, but all too late, that they’ve wasted every last opportunity they had once been offered to do good for others, so that they could save themselves from everlasting punishment…
Having chosen instead the path of harming others; by inflicting evil and oppression on their fellow human beings, they also have lost everything they ever had, and would nevermore know so much as a single moment’s peace…
No, it’s all too late; not one of their victims will so much as dip their finger in a drop of water, to cool the the blazing tongue of their oppressor.
No, we should all be quite clear: when that day finally arrives, it will be too late for tears…
And anyone who begs and pleads for just one last, final chance to make amends and atone for their crimes will find the doors of Heaven shut forever..
And you know what? It’ll be nothing less that they deserve.
Yes: “Judge not, and you will not be judged,” that’s what I say.
Jesus actually said that. He’s a very wise man who admires me very much (or… never mind)…
And he actually agrees with me on quite a lot of things, believe you me; and that’s one of them. We have rather a lot in common, you know.
Well, except perhaps that Jesus was rather absolutist and dogmatic at times, not always understanding the importance of seizing the moment and dynamically re-configuring his strategic ethical objectives and methods…
Which is something I daresay I’m rather better at!
But I don’t want to boast. No one’s ever accused me of being arrogant, and I certainly don’t want to start now.
Well, I mean, I’ve got away with just the odd pomo-ironically detached smattering of self-congratulation fairly well so far, don’t you think? 😉
Never mind.
No, forgive me, I’m telling you now, it’s simply INTOLERABLE that individuals of perfectly good character and intentions have been ridiculed, smeared, mocked, criticized, treated like the scum of the earth…
Just for making one little mistake that, let’s be honest, anyone in this world could easily have made.
I mean, to err is but human, to forgive divine. Just don’t be resentful, and stop taking a one-sided, dogmatic, and prejudiced view of the issue! ~______~
Still, I must confess I myself do have an issue or two with a few aspects of what the Germans did; but we just have to put these things into perspective, don’t we! 😀
Yes, I mean, seriously, it’s like, you know: can any one of you state with 100% infallible certainty that you would never have made such a perfectly human and excusable error?
…OF COURSE NOT!
No, no, please, let me insist on just this point, just this this once.
The people who make light of the terrible sufferings of the Holocaust and World War II, with all their cynical, ignorant, purely politically motivated and opportunistic criticisms; THEY are the REAL criminals.
Yes, indeed. You know, we all know, it’s bad enough to kill and torture countless innocent people. I wouldn’t want to make light of that at all, believe you me.
Then again…
No, I mean, let’s face it, to then round upon the people who, you claim, are somehow, in way or another, you know, just flat-out GUILTY of these deaths, in some radically indeterminate and conveniently unqualified manner…
Well, that really just takes the biscuit! It’s simply despicable, and shows an utter lack of common human decency and self-restraint.
Well, yes… no, if you’d the slightest idea what a pretentious, cynical, insincere charlatan you sound like, let me tell you, you would never open your mouth again.
No, you will try to maliciously twist what I’m saying for the sake of some petty political capital, like you did with my Iraq dossier, but you will not succeed.
No, believe me, I’m used to it. Lots of people criticize me, but d’you know why?
Well yes, at the end of the day, there is only one reason that I’m ever criticized.
Any ideas?
Yes, you’re right.
Opportunism.
Just sheer, cynical, unadulterated, Machiavellian opportunism. That’s the ONLY REASON I have EVER been criticized in this world. 🙁
And I tell you what; you know what?
Well, the people of Britain; they’ve just had enough.

You never spoke a truer word, Tony.
Oh wait, that sounds a bit odd, doesn’t it!

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