Tag Archive | "Healthcare"

Have You Heard About Dyzastra?


Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Why not try Dyzastra? (“Di-ZAH-Struh”)

Do you have a spare tire around your middle that you’d like to get rid of? How about trying Dyzastra?

Stomach pain, the common cold and restless leg syndrome are no match for Dyzastra.

Do you have toenail fungus that just won’t go away? Maybe it’s time you tried Dyzastra. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, HealthComments (0)

Flo to Use Charm to ‘Perk-Up’ Obamacare


Flo, the permanently perky face of Progressive Insurance, has been named new Secretary of Health and Human Services replacing outgoing HHS czar Kathleen Sebelius. President Obama made the announcement last night.

The decision was a tough one and President Obama said the choice came down to Flo or the Geico Gecko. “I mean, they’re both already in the insurance industry, right? And things aren’t going so well with Obamacare right now so it seemed like a no-brainer,” the President said Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, HealthComments (1)

President Obama Promotes Healthcare.gov with Jackass-Style Stunt Reel


WASHINGTON, D.C.—“I’m Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America, and this is Jackass.”

So begins the president’s latest viral video—a 22-minute series of dangerous and immature stunts styled after the MTV show “Jackass.”

The video is a bold new attempt to convince young Americans to sign up for health insurance at Healthcare.gov before the March 31 deadline. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (2)

Local Grandma Thinks Rest of Family Should Know That Janice from 3 Doors Down Undergoing Bowel Operation


INDIANAPOLIS – Systematically phoning every adult member of her immediate family Monday, 91-year-old local grandma Eileen Calderwood thought that everyone should know that Janice from three doors down is going in for her bowel operation this Friday.

Insisting that her neighbor, with whom Calderwood’s family are only vaguely familiar, has appeared “very pale recently,” Calderwood openly speculated that “it might be cancer.” Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (1)

Sick of White House Petitions? Here’s the Cure


GlossyNews.com editor Dexter Sinistri recently submitted a petition for single-payer healthcare which met the threshold and is now live on their site… but he has another petition, one to put all petitions to shame.

UPDATE: 11/20/12 – This morning the editors at Huffington Post published an article outlining the brilliance of Dexter’s “Petition to end all Petitions”. We all appreciate when another organization notices our work, so please check out this article from Huffington Post and take the time to sign the petition yourself.

Huffingtonpost Article on Dexter’s Petition

UPDATE: 11/18/12 – The petition is now LIVE on the White House petition page.

This is a petition to ban all government spending on WhiteHouse.gov petitions, since they never get a sincere response and they are practically worthless… won’t you sign it? Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Sign the Petition to Create a Single-Payer Healthcare System


Glossy News editor Brian K. White has create a petition to the White House to create a single-payer healthcare system. Please take a moment to sign it.

UPDATE 11/17/12: Behold the power of GlossyNews.com… the petition reached the signature threshold and is now live at Petitions.Whitehouse.gov.

A single-payer system would do more than piss off a bunch of guys in suits, it would give coverage and an opportunity at greater health to tens of millions, lower overall costs, lower mortality rates, and level the playing field for all employers, with the biggest benefit going to small businesses. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (14)

Republicans Crucify Jesus for Offering Free Healthcare


BILOXI – People were shocked when a strange light was seen in the sky yesterday. Many wondered if it was a meteor. However, the light that fell to earth was none other than Jesus Christ himself.

The Christian leader landed in Biloxi, Mississippi at approximately 3:16 p.m. local time. Area residents first met Jesus with shotguns because they initially mistook him for a “hippie liberal immigrant” that was going to “rob them or talk about Obama.”

Think you know the Bible? Take the GlossyNews Unbeatable Bible Quiz!

Jesus quickly performed several miracles in order to prove his identity including curing an area woman’s cancer and giving eyesight to a blind preacher. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

When it Comes to Healthcare, Give Me Liberty and Give Me Death!


America is the world leader in most important categories: #1 in nuclear warheads, #1 in citizens incarcerated, and breaking into the top 50 in healthcare. We don’t look to Europe for solutions to our problems because those countries are a bunch of whiny, over-indulged socialist brie-eaters with funny accents. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (1)

Goofus and Gallant on Obamacare


Today, Goofus and Gallant tackle the tricky issue of healthcare in the United States. Is it right, left or just plain wrong? Many say it is, but to which is the real question, and the answer to that is also yes.

Here weighing in on the matter with a point/counter-point is our old friends Goofus and Gallant.

While the views expressed below are solely that of the author, we might point out that they are, in fact, correct, and anyone who disagrees should post hateful rhetoric in the comments below. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (4)

Anti-Obama ‘Satire’ Written by Zombies?


Much to the dismay of intelligent people the world over, anti-Obama satirists have become robotic, even predictable, running the same treadmill every day in an effort to bring him down. Their constant decrying of the President, no matter what he does, boils down to the same tired formula – ‘Obama bad, Obama stupid, troglodytes good’. They have gone on autopilot with their complaints. Their feeble, anti-intellectual, reptilian nerve ganglia spits out constant spiteful bile at any new Obama policy. Zombie-like, they seize upon any live meat they see and chew it to death. Read the full story

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