Tag Archive | "George W. Bush"

Decision Points – The E-book (shocking revelations)


George W. Bush’s best-selling memoir, Decision Points, has been described as an unconventional narrative and a “groundbreaking new brand of memoir.” Rather than detail his life in chronological order, President Bush chose to center on the “fourteen most critical and historic decisions in [his] life and public service.” Read the full story

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Bush Accepted As Official Court Jester By Obama’s Cabinet


George W. was accepted on as the official court Jester for the Obama cabinet. Appearing before the assembled advisers for the first time, W. had them suppressing giggles as soon as he opened his mouth.

“I am pleased as punch to be able to make this contribution to the nation. But I thought you said I was to be the ‘Court Tester’? “ said a perplexed Bush. “I’m not sure I understand what this position is all about.” Read the full story

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Bush Vetoes Nutcracker Appearance Claiming it Sounds Too Painful


George Bush has told his wife Laura that there is no way he is going to accompany her to any ballet, let alone a ballet titled the Nutcracker.

“Is she nuts?” asked George, who added, “no pun intended, heh heh heh.”

It is common knowledge that Laura Bush and even George’s mother, Barbara Bush, has been trying every year to get George to attend the Nutcracker Ballet but to no avail. Read the full story

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‘Do Over’ Planned As Britain Finally Challenges Revolutionary War Outcome


Citing dissatisfaction over the outcome of the Revolutionary War, the British Crown has decided that a ‘do-over’ would be in best interests of both countries.

In order to spark a bit of controversy, her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has arranged for 30 UK citizens dressed as Pakastani shop keepers to throw thousands of crates of Coca-Cola into the Thames River on Friday night, followed by forcing US sightseers to go to the rear of all lines at most tourist destinations in London. Read the full story

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McCartney Comment Prompts Look Inside Bush’s Library


ODESSA, Texas (GlossyNews) — Aside from a few die-hard Republicans who can’t bring themselves to believe that George W. Bush is not the sharpest tool in the shed, most people thought Paul McCartney’s joke regarding George Bush not knowing what a library is was pretty funny and saw nothing wrong with it.

But, to make a point, folks gathered at a Dallas office building to get a first-hand peek at some of the books George W. Bush has read and what books and documents will be included in his memorial library expected to be built in the years to come. Read the full story

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Obama Inspires Oil Spill to Clean Itself Up


Smelly Corners, LA (GlossyNews) — President Barack Obama’s recent visit to the Gulf Coast was billed as a chance for the Commander in Chief to assess the damage caused by the massive oil spill, but a top White House aid says that there may have been another reason for the trip.

“He went there to whip the oil into shape and rouse the leak into closing,” the aide said, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “He figured if he could get Republicans to vote for him in 2008, a health care bill pushed through during 2009, and ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ repealed in 2010, he should be able to talk an oil spill back into the ground.” Read the full story

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Microsoft Opens “E-Gates” On Mexico / US Border, Windows Unavailable


Laredo, TX – Returning from a recent business conference on immigration in Mexico City, Microsoft Chairman William Gates, the world’s richest man, flew over what will become the new “RioGrande BushWall” near Laredo, Texas. Having told reporters in Mexico earlier, “I’m a big believer that freedom is a good thing,” he also noted that flexibility of movement for skilled workers in his company could be a little important. Read the full story

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Conservatives Shift From ‘Compassionate’ to ‘Cold-blooded’ Conservatism


The Republicans, still smarting from their losses in the 2008 elections, have taken a new stance. Gone are the Bush I and II philosophies of ‘Compassionate Conservatism’. The new motto is ‘Cold-Blooded Conservatism’. This new attitude will focus on further crushing the working and middle class with less rights and diminished wages, which they’ve been doing anyway, just now they won’t smile and pretend they aren’t anymore. Read the full story

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Country Still Thinking with Its Penis


Washington DC (with reports from elsewhere) — Almost since time has been recorded, “mine’s bigger than yours”, or m-b-t-y, has been on the lips of every aggressive type-A male in the United States.

Our country’s presidents are no exception. Sometimes leading the pack of type-As out there in the quest to settle the argument once and for all. European males still solemnly claim to think with their hearts and minds as their basis of governing. Read the full story

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The Faux Tan Man (Captain Orange Strikes Again)


Mr. Tan Man, lend me your ear
Your type of thinking, I find very queer….

Who are the people who have run against John Beohner every two years since he entered Congress in 1990? I really must do a google search on this subject. Given the type of Congressman he is, these people, whomever they are, must have been perfectly horrible candidates. That can be the only possible explanation. The voters of Ohio can’t be that dumb, can they? Read the full story

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